Aside from Nelly's Jam (see below), there is another song hitting the airwaves that has spoken to my soul. Mike Posner has a jam out called, "You Think You're Cooler Than Me," and it is the bomb. (His last name and the song title take me back to middle school and the discovery of what Irony really meant...and it wasn't an Alanis Morsette song).
This song has made me do some soul searching....Michael J. told us all to start with the Man in the Mirror. So here I am looking at my reflection and asking myself, "What do I do that makes me cooler than others?" And the answer was clear--I am not cool. However, I do some odd things that make me feel cool--or what I think people will see as cool. I am not ashamed to say that some days I am a 14 year old girl in a 26 year old body. Here is the list of things B Taubs does to try to look hip and with it. I call it, "I kinda hope you think, maybe, just a little, that I am cool: a list of reasons why I should have an intervention"
1. When a good looking man gets on the train, I quickly change my iPod song to something that will make me seem either a. cultured or b.look like I totally know everything about music. So I totes switch from Clay Aiken to the Goo Goo Dolls. That was a joke guys....you should pick up on the sarcasm. Ha I would never listen to Clay Aiken. Laughable! For some reason, I feel that the train hottie will be interested in my song choice, and then if interested will strain his neck around Hobo Joe to see if he can catch the song before the light fades from my pod. If he manages all of that, the mere sighting of my ultra hip Stones song or NPR selection(yeah I said it) will cause him to fall madly in love with me. Sounds like a Blockbuster hit to me or an early 90s romcom with Sandra Bullock finding love on the CTA.
2. I tell people I am re-reading the great American novels, when in actuality I am reading Lauren Conrad's LA Candy. However, in my defense I do enjoy those classic pieces of literature, and I am sincere when I say that I feel that everyone should read them. Gatsby, Huck Finn, A Catcher in the Rye and Are You There, Vodka? It's Me Chelsea are brilliant literary works. Unfortunately, when I was required to read them in high school I was 10x less cool than I am now and decided to get the cliff notes. Therefore, I feel the need to re-read them and I am doing that. However, for every classic I read I get to read one horrifically trashy novel, and thus we get LA Candy or the newest Nicholas Sparks novel turned Miley Cyrus movie. (which I totally go see..in the theatre...with a large diet coke and peanut m&ms--we are getting all the truth out tonight. ALL OF IT!) When I read these less than stellar novels I do it with in the privacy of my own home. However, when I read "the classics" I flaunt it like I am in my Senior Prom dress and just got my hair done at Great Clips. I know--shameful.
3/4. This is a 2-fer. I order wine everywhere I go. I will be in a dive bar and ask for their house white wine. I then giggle softly and tell who I am with that I am a wino (and yes I realize how dumb that makes me sound--urban dictionary that term and then laugh). This is pathetic on several fronts. For starters, I know nothing about wine. I don't even care what I am ordering. I think holding a wine glass makes me look cool and, frankly, I like how it tastes. (wa wa). Here comes the 2-fer--When I drink the wine, I undoubtedly will tell who I am with that I studied in Rome and thus appreciate wine. And while I "studied" in Rome, I drank said wine in piazzas and pondered the meaning of my existence. (you decide what parts of this are true) No, I don't say that I went abroad, took a BS class and got drunk a lot....I say I "studied" in Rome. Like "studying" in Rome brings about street cred to the fact that I am drinking some shitty Chardonnay from a solo cup.
5. I changed the background to my blog. It now looks like an Anthropologie bed spread. Side bar--I have always wanted a bed spread from Anthropologie but could never afford to drop 200 bones on one. Therefore, I stick with airbrush looking quilts from Target...fail. Back to backgroud (giggles to self). I was debating between this and the one with birds on it, but I didn't want to look too girly. However, I think I managed to pick the most girly one. My background will probably change 3 more times as I start to worry what my 8 readers will think of it. Therefore, I was trying to be cool yet again....when will I learn my lesson??
There are many more examples of ways in which I pretend to be cool, but as I type I realize I might need a life/identity/intervention--LIST WAS A SUCCESS! So thank you Mike Posener. I will now be the original Mariah Carey Christmas listening, Nicholas Sparks reading, box wine drinking woman I was meant to be. I will attempt to embrace it--I just hope all of you jokers can accept the new/old me.
Taubel--OUT
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Dear Nelly
I am beyond pumped right now...no not because Glee is back and rocking my world daily(btw last weeks episode was AMAZING...I was glad to see Fox taking a serious turn on so many subjects--deep post about that to come). I am excited because Nelly is BACK ladies and gentleman! Yup, the creative mind that gave us Country Grammar, Dilemma, and Hot in Here is back on the scene and rocking my iPod daily...well really hourly.
For those of you who have been in a hole and have yet to experience the poetic genius that is "Just a Dream," take a second, youtube that shiz, send me a thank you email, and then write a fan letter to Nelly--GO! I am telling you, this song is full of little life lesson gems. Furthermore, it has a beat that cause a little bounce within me. People tend to stare at me on the train when I am listening to this ditty. Mostly because I am mouthing the words (it takes unbelievable self control to not sing aloud), but also because I am obviously dancing (horribly at that).
Let's dissect this AMAZING piece of pop culture:
1. The song starts with the hook, "I was thinkin' bout her, thinkin' bout me, thinkin bout us, what we gonna be, (something I can't decipher) in my eyes, it was only just a dream." I realize I could Google the lyrics to figure out what that part is but I like to insert my own renditions "throw up in my eyes" is what I am going for right now. This is one hell of an opener. Nelly you have me hooked (pun intended). What happened? Where did she go? I hope you will tell me!!!
2. Great opening line "I was at the top now it's like I'm in the basement. Number 1 spot now she findin her replacement. I swear now I can't take it knowin someone got my babay....I should put it down and got that ring." Oh there is so much to dissect here. There is the slight Beyonce "Single Ladies" reference, but I would love to talk about how you compared emotions to the floors in a house. BRILLIANT!! Like Let me tell you, I would totes rather be on the top floor of a house then in the basement. Like I get it Nelly, when you are on the top floor you can see out of the windows to the world in front of you. You are trying to say at the top we can see into the world (or love). However, in the basement we are cold, dark and cut off from the world (or love). YOU ARE SO DEEP!!
3. Then Nelly gives us some serious info when he sangs, "my lover, my life, my shawty, my wife. She left me I’m tight cause I knew it just aint right." NOOOOOOO ok Nelly damn, I am sorry. This lady you are singing about, was the love of your life and she done run out on you. Man, I feel you.
4. My favorite line comes when he tells us he is "Tryin to get my Usher on but I can't let it burn." To all Usher fans from 1996 to 2003, you know that "Burn" may have been one of the best singles he dropped ("My Way" is a close 2nd). For Nelly to take a moment and pay homage to the jam that made my "Boys Suck" mix Sophomore Year of college, deserves 2 thumbs up and a shoulder bounce. Thank you! Obviously, this lady has hurt you big time (I am hoping you are singing about Kelly Rowland and your sadness that things didn't work out after your AMAZING duet "Dilemma." I really thought you two would make it. (Pause for sigh and head shake.)
5. We end this jam with the repeating of, "If you ever love somebody put yo hands up, if you ever love somebody put yo hands up, now they gone and you wishin you could give them e'er thing." Believe that both my hands are up and waving like a rhythm challenged white girl. I really haven't been in love (or to the extent that Nelly talks about), but I can't help myself. It is so incredible that I invent a new boyfriend each time I listen to this song, and then spend the next hour listening to the Dawson's Creek Soundtracks and wallow in my fictional heart ache.
Overall, this song welcomes Nelly back to the world of the awesomely bad love raps/ballads. Nelly--you brought us Country Grammar, Dilemma, Sweat suit (the 2 disc album that featured two sides of this rapper--deep!), and now this sweet ditty. I thank you for all you have done for my Play list "No Mom I Don't Have a Boyfriend." You are a man of many talents and I salute you!!!
**NOTE-this song was on repeat the whole time I was writing this post. All mistakes should be dismissed because I was caught up in a world of love and heartache
Taubel--OUT!
For those of you who have been in a hole and have yet to experience the poetic genius that is "Just a Dream," take a second, youtube that shiz, send me a thank you email, and then write a fan letter to Nelly--GO! I am telling you, this song is full of little life lesson gems. Furthermore, it has a beat that cause a little bounce within me. People tend to stare at me on the train when I am listening to this ditty. Mostly because I am mouthing the words (it takes unbelievable self control to not sing aloud), but also because I am obviously dancing (horribly at that).
Let's dissect this AMAZING piece of pop culture:
1. The song starts with the hook, "I was thinkin' bout her, thinkin' bout me, thinkin bout us, what we gonna be, (something I can't decipher) in my eyes, it was only just a dream." I realize I could Google the lyrics to figure out what that part is but I like to insert my own renditions "throw up in my eyes" is what I am going for right now. This is one hell of an opener. Nelly you have me hooked (pun intended). What happened? Where did she go? I hope you will tell me!!!
2. Great opening line "I was at the top now it's like I'm in the basement. Number 1 spot now she findin her replacement. I swear now I can't take it knowin someone got my babay....I should put it down and got that ring." Oh there is so much to dissect here. There is the slight Beyonce "Single Ladies" reference, but I would love to talk about how you compared emotions to the floors in a house. BRILLIANT!! Like Let me tell you, I would totes rather be on the top floor of a house then in the basement. Like I get it Nelly, when you are on the top floor you can see out of the windows to the world in front of you. You are trying to say at the top we can see into the world (or love). However, in the basement we are cold, dark and cut off from the world (or love). YOU ARE SO DEEP!!
3. Then Nelly gives us some serious info when he sangs, "my lover, my life, my shawty, my wife. She left me I’m tight cause I knew it just aint right." NOOOOOOO ok Nelly damn, I am sorry. This lady you are singing about, was the love of your life and she done run out on you. Man, I feel you.
4. My favorite line comes when he tells us he is "Tryin to get my Usher on but I can't let it burn." To all Usher fans from 1996 to 2003, you know that "Burn" may have been one of the best singles he dropped ("My Way" is a close 2nd). For Nelly to take a moment and pay homage to the jam that made my "Boys Suck" mix Sophomore Year of college, deserves 2 thumbs up and a shoulder bounce. Thank you! Obviously, this lady has hurt you big time (I am hoping you are singing about Kelly Rowland and your sadness that things didn't work out after your AMAZING duet "Dilemma." I really thought you two would make it. (Pause for sigh and head shake.)
5. We end this jam with the repeating of, "If you ever love somebody put yo hands up, if you ever love somebody put yo hands up, now they gone and you wishin you could give them e'er thing." Believe that both my hands are up and waving like a rhythm challenged white girl. I really haven't been in love (or to the extent that Nelly talks about), but I can't help myself. It is so incredible that I invent a new boyfriend each time I listen to this song, and then spend the next hour listening to the Dawson's Creek Soundtracks and wallow in my fictional heart ache.
Overall, this song welcomes Nelly back to the world of the awesomely bad love raps/ballads. Nelly--you brought us Country Grammar, Dilemma, Sweat suit (the 2 disc album that featured two sides of this rapper--deep!), and now this sweet ditty. I thank you for all you have done for my Play list "No Mom I Don't Have a Boyfriend." You are a man of many talents and I salute you!!!
**NOTE-this song was on repeat the whole time I was writing this post. All mistakes should be dismissed because I was caught up in a world of love and heartache
Taubel--OUT!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Family Tradition?
*This post is dedicated to the Mel B., Erin, The Captain,Leigh, and "The Cat's in the Cradle and the Mama's dead."*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7bPyXwBn_Q
The link you see is to a commercial from Amica Mutual Insurance. It talks about family traditions being apart of everyday health. While I don't disagree that a healthy family is able to have long lasting traditions, I wonder if Amica realizes what the normal family tradition is.
The commercial follows a family that does a Triathlon every year together--even their aging father jumps in on the fun. Now, I am all for getting in shape and being physically fit, but come on Amica. A triathlon as a family tradition? Is this a flash forward 15 years to what Lance Armstrong and his family will be doing?
Let's get real Amica--family traditions are Sunday brunch after church, arguing at Thanksgiving dinner about which sibling shows their dedication more by calling and visiting the most, or every Monday night cooking breakfast for dinner (wink wink ladies).
I get that you want us to get off our ass and start doing things, but frankly your commercial makes me feel bad, not only about myself, but my family traditions--none of which include any type of physical exertion. How about next time you try to warm the hearts of Americans, make a commercial about a family having passive aggressive conversations while sitting in front of a t.v. watching a football game. Or you can give us a snapshot of a family that takes out a whole case of wine in one evening and then wakes up to a family hangover. (yes these are my family traditions and I couldn't be prouder!)
Thanks Amica but no thanks...family triathlons are for overachievers, the Armstrongs, and your busted ad team.
Taubel--OUT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7bPyXwBn_Q
The link you see is to a commercial from Amica Mutual Insurance. It talks about family traditions being apart of everyday health. While I don't disagree that a healthy family is able to have long lasting traditions, I wonder if Amica realizes what the normal family tradition is.
The commercial follows a family that does a Triathlon every year together--even their aging father jumps in on the fun. Now, I am all for getting in shape and being physically fit, but come on Amica. A triathlon as a family tradition? Is this a flash forward 15 years to what Lance Armstrong and his family will be doing?
Let's get real Amica--family traditions are Sunday brunch after church, arguing at Thanksgiving dinner about which sibling shows their dedication more by calling and visiting the most, or every Monday night cooking breakfast for dinner (wink wink ladies).
I get that you want us to get off our ass and start doing things, but frankly your commercial makes me feel bad, not only about myself, but my family traditions--none of which include any type of physical exertion. How about next time you try to warm the hearts of Americans, make a commercial about a family having passive aggressive conversations while sitting in front of a t.v. watching a football game. Or you can give us a snapshot of a family that takes out a whole case of wine in one evening and then wakes up to a family hangover. (yes these are my family traditions and I couldn't be prouder!)
Thanks Amica but no thanks...family triathlons are for overachievers, the Armstrongs, and your busted ad team.
Taubel--OUT!
Monday, July 12, 2010
So Tell Me Facebook....
Hello All!
Let's get this out of the way--I'm a bad blogger. School is out for summer and I have been on a bit of a bender. My apologies.
Recently, I was chatting with some of my pals about the absurd amount of information that is available to us on the Facebook. Mark Zuckerburg has really done a number on this social networking thing.
Pause for a moment of facebook nostalgia (if that is even possible)-it used to be that you could get on the book of the face and the most intrusive section was your "about me" section. Many people detailed their feelings on the meaning of life, things that make them lol, and why they have the best life God could give anyone. For me, reading this section often felt like an over share, but for others it was a way to let the cyber world know how deep they truly were.
With the invention of the "I Like" button, status updates, applications, and the news feed, we now know more than we ever wanted to know about the awkward kid from our 10th grade science class.
However, there is a time when all this information provides me with a good chuckle --when people mysteriously break up via facebook. You know what I am talking about--"Jane and John are no longer in a relationship" (insert heart icon that his broken in two and an old lovey picture of the couple). I love these moments because you know there was a serious conversation about how they needed to end their relationship on facebook. Who would be the one to click on the personal information button and change 'in a relationship' to 'single?' I am lol-ing just thinking about it. Can you imagine after the yelling and tears, someone has to be like, "So how are we going to do this over facebook? Do you want to end it or do you want me to take care of this?"
I feel that this is where facebook is missing the boat. Come one guys, you tell me when Sally is feeling optimistic and quotes her favorite Spice Girl song or when Jim feels as though life keeps raining on his parade. You tell me when Stephanie likes that Sarah is going to the Lady GaGa concert or when April and Steve have become friends. You tell me all of this, but you wont tell me why John and Jane broke up? Where is your sense of intrusiveness now, facebook?
What I want to see is a reason for the break up. Like when you decide to un-relationship someone you should explain. Maybe it could be "Jane is no longer in a relationship with John because, 'John couldn't keep it in his pants' or 'Jane found out that John's eHarmony account was a load of sh*t'" If this were the case I could cancel my subscription to Us Weekly. (Yes, I subscribe to Us Weekly--it makes me feel better).
Let's be honest here, we all know those friends that like to detail their entire day for us. Sometimes it's interesting, but most times it is annoying. Wouldn't this break up option make those friends that much more exciting? Everyday would be like Gossip Girl--only the people aren't wearing strange versions of school uniforms and headbands.
I have been in a facebook relationship for the past 5 years. Yes I am one of those girls who is 'in an open relationship' with one of my friends. I thought I was being ultra cool and hip by making fun of the relationship option. Therefore, the 21 year old B Taub thought it would be HYSTERICAL to be in a relationship with another girl--because NO ONE else would think to do that. (I hope you are picking up on the sarcasm here). Now it has gotten to the point that deleting this relationship would be awkward because it would be saying, "B and J realize they need to be adults and stop having a fake relationship on FB. Also, being in this relationship solidifies B's inability to find a real boyfriend..." Wait--did I just overshare here? DAMN IT! (Maybe I should copy and paste this into the 'about me' section)
Anyways, if J and I ever fake break up over the facebook I am going to tell the world why. I am going to make it as dramatic as possible. It will most likely because she has been cheating on me for the past 3 years with her boyfriend--who, I am certain, would like to establish, to the facebook world, that his girlfriend is not a lesbian. When this happens, I am going to go big with it. If you catch our break up be sure to click the 'I like this' button.
Ok off to update my status about this blog and to stalk some random people from high school!
Taubel--OUT!
Let's get this out of the way--I'm a bad blogger. School is out for summer and I have been on a bit of a bender. My apologies.
Recently, I was chatting with some of my pals about the absurd amount of information that is available to us on the Facebook. Mark Zuckerburg has really done a number on this social networking thing.
Pause for a moment of facebook nostalgia (if that is even possible)-it used to be that you could get on the book of the face and the most intrusive section was your "about me" section. Many people detailed their feelings on the meaning of life, things that make them lol, and why they have the best life God could give anyone. For me, reading this section often felt like an over share, but for others it was a way to let the cyber world know how deep they truly were.
With the invention of the "I Like" button, status updates, applications, and the news feed, we now know more than we ever wanted to know about the awkward kid from our 10th grade science class.
However, there is a time when all this information provides me with a good chuckle --when people mysteriously break up via facebook. You know what I am talking about--"Jane and John are no longer in a relationship" (insert heart icon that his broken in two and an old lovey picture of the couple). I love these moments because you know there was a serious conversation about how they needed to end their relationship on facebook. Who would be the one to click on the personal information button and change 'in a relationship' to 'single?' I am lol-ing just thinking about it. Can you imagine after the yelling and tears, someone has to be like, "So how are we going to do this over facebook? Do you want to end it or do you want me to take care of this?"
I feel that this is where facebook is missing the boat. Come one guys, you tell me when Sally is feeling optimistic and quotes her favorite Spice Girl song or when Jim feels as though life keeps raining on his parade. You tell me when Stephanie likes that Sarah is going to the Lady GaGa concert or when April and Steve have become friends. You tell me all of this, but you wont tell me why John and Jane broke up? Where is your sense of intrusiveness now, facebook?
What I want to see is a reason for the break up. Like when you decide to un-relationship someone you should explain. Maybe it could be "Jane is no longer in a relationship with John because, 'John couldn't keep it in his pants' or 'Jane found out that John's eHarmony account was a load of sh*t'" If this were the case I could cancel my subscription to Us Weekly. (Yes, I subscribe to Us Weekly--it makes me feel better).
Let's be honest here, we all know those friends that like to detail their entire day for us. Sometimes it's interesting, but most times it is annoying. Wouldn't this break up option make those friends that much more exciting? Everyday would be like Gossip Girl--only the people aren't wearing strange versions of school uniforms and headbands.
I have been in a facebook relationship for the past 5 years. Yes I am one of those girls who is 'in an open relationship' with one of my friends. I thought I was being ultra cool and hip by making fun of the relationship option. Therefore, the 21 year old B Taub thought it would be HYSTERICAL to be in a relationship with another girl--because NO ONE else would think to do that. (I hope you are picking up on the sarcasm here). Now it has gotten to the point that deleting this relationship would be awkward because it would be saying, "B and J realize they need to be adults and stop having a fake relationship on FB. Also, being in this relationship solidifies B's inability to find a real boyfriend..." Wait--did I just overshare here? DAMN IT! (Maybe I should copy and paste this into the 'about me' section)
Anyways, if J and I ever fake break up over the facebook I am going to tell the world why. I am going to make it as dramatic as possible. It will most likely because she has been cheating on me for the past 3 years with her boyfriend--who, I am certain, would like to establish, to the facebook world, that his girlfriend is not a lesbian. When this happens, I am going to go big with it. If you catch our break up be sure to click the 'I like this' button.
Ok off to update my status about this blog and to stalk some random people from high school!
Taubel--OUT!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I TAKE IT ALL BACK!
I am watching Justin Bieber on American Idol. (I realize I watch this show way too much). Back to JB--HE JUST KILLED IT! That Baby song had me moving. I take it all back...he rocks my face off.
I apologize for anything and everything I said about him. Yes he is young, but he just made me do a spin move while washing dishes. THANK YOU JUSTIN BIEBER!
Ok back to contemplating why my life is a bit sad/pathetic--more posts on that to come.
Taubel--OUT!
I apologize for anything and everything I said about him. Yes he is young, but he just made me do a spin move while washing dishes. THANK YOU JUSTIN BIEBER!
Ok back to contemplating why my life is a bit sad/pathetic--more posts on that to come.
Taubel--OUT!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
He Remembered Me!
Hello all! Yes, I have not been updating as much...forgive me--I found a life for the past couple weeks. And by life, I mean spring has sprung in Chi-Town, thus I spend my free moments outside trying to savor every moment. October will come too quickly, and I will revert back to being a bitter, wine drinking, awkward, hermit crab. BTW-I hear you saying "what has changed?" A lot has changed! I will be totally positive peggy, I am switching to wine coolers, my awkwardness has disappeared with the winter, and I am totally mac'in it at the bars these days. Ha--who am I kidding, I would never switch to wine coolers...and a lot of those other things are kind of not true.
Like my blog, I have neglected my local coffee shop. I have been on a mission to save some cash, so I have been brewing my own joe these days. Not only am I saving money, but I am learning (slowly) what good coffee tastes like. Let's just say my first couple of pots tasted as though I brewed dirty socks.
Last week I ran out of Folgers (insert--the best part of waking up...). I had to hit up the good ole coffee shop, and I found myself a little excited. As eluded to in previous posts, I have a slight crush on the coffee guy. He is a simple man who just likes brewing coffee for the locals of Wrigleyville. Everyday he shows up in his cargo shorts, K Swiss shoes, and baseball t-shirt and pours us the greatest blends ever. (Yes he wears those cargo shorts in the winter--such a rebel!).
As I entered the shop my heart was all a flutter. I wanted to act cool, but not too cool. I wanted to seem like I had never left. But then I got to thinking, what if he doesn't remember me? What if I was just another face among the sea of patrons he sees every day? I thought all of this from the door to the register--which proved to be foolish because when it was my time to order I just stood there with a huge ass grin on my face.
Finally, he broke the ice and said, "Hey, we haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been?" To which I responded unsteadily, "Oh yeah. That. umm yeah you know just trying to save those dolla bills, yo." (insert awkward laugh and freakish hand motion). I am not even going to comment on this response because it was so absurd. He thought so to because he laughed awkwardly and then said, "The usual coffee?" I was so excited that he remembered my order that I did a little jump and said, "oh yes, coffee for me." And then I did it...I WINKED!!!!! WHO AM I??? I WINKED?!?!?!?!?! Oh whatever, I was on a high that he remembered me, and not only me but my order!! Yeah so what, my usual order is a large coffee, but that is not so generic. A lot of people are starting to order those fancy drinks complete with whip cream and stuff. I would venture to say that regular coffee is an alternative order.
I was so amped by this encounter that the following morning I made sure I looked extra nice. I even put on some shimmery eye shadow--wait shimmery eye shadow is not hip these days? Damn it! Anyways, so I confidently walk into the coffee shop.I stood in line waiting for my romantic coffee exchange and then I hear it. To the average Joe it just sounded like the coffee guy asking for an order, but to me, it was the sound of my heart breaking. My coffee guy was asking the older woman in front of me the following, "Hey, haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been? The usual coffee?"
Yes, my coffee guy had used the same cheap line on me as he had on this cougar! How did this happen? And furthermore, how could he do this to me? I thought we had something special. I thought that my large coffee was the one cup he looked forward to pouring each morning. I thought that I was original and special to him!!
I haven't returned to my coffee shop since then. It just hurts too much. I hope that one day we can get back to where we were before, but I am not sure how to do that. To ensure this time doesn't have to come soon, I bought the value pack of Folgers coffee. I will be sipping my dirty sock tasting coffee for at least another three months.
Taubel--OUT (and not to Starbucks!)
Like my blog, I have neglected my local coffee shop. I have been on a mission to save some cash, so I have been brewing my own joe these days. Not only am I saving money, but I am learning (slowly) what good coffee tastes like. Let's just say my first couple of pots tasted as though I brewed dirty socks.
Last week I ran out of Folgers (insert--the best part of waking up...). I had to hit up the good ole coffee shop, and I found myself a little excited. As eluded to in previous posts, I have a slight crush on the coffee guy. He is a simple man who just likes brewing coffee for the locals of Wrigleyville. Everyday he shows up in his cargo shorts, K Swiss shoes, and baseball t-shirt and pours us the greatest blends ever. (Yes he wears those cargo shorts in the winter--such a rebel!).
As I entered the shop my heart was all a flutter. I wanted to act cool, but not too cool. I wanted to seem like I had never left. But then I got to thinking, what if he doesn't remember me? What if I was just another face among the sea of patrons he sees every day? I thought all of this from the door to the register--which proved to be foolish because when it was my time to order I just stood there with a huge ass grin on my face.
Finally, he broke the ice and said, "Hey, we haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been?" To which I responded unsteadily, "Oh yeah. That. umm yeah you know just trying to save those dolla bills, yo." (insert awkward laugh and freakish hand motion). I am not even going to comment on this response because it was so absurd. He thought so to because he laughed awkwardly and then said, "The usual coffee?" I was so excited that he remembered my order that I did a little jump and said, "oh yes, coffee for me." And then I did it...I WINKED!!!!! WHO AM I??? I WINKED?!?!?!?!?! Oh whatever, I was on a high that he remembered me, and not only me but my order!! Yeah so what, my usual order is a large coffee, but that is not so generic. A lot of people are starting to order those fancy drinks complete with whip cream and stuff. I would venture to say that regular coffee is an alternative order.
I was so amped by this encounter that the following morning I made sure I looked extra nice. I even put on some shimmery eye shadow--wait shimmery eye shadow is not hip these days? Damn it! Anyways, so I confidently walk into the coffee shop.I stood in line waiting for my romantic coffee exchange and then I hear it. To the average Joe it just sounded like the coffee guy asking for an order, but to me, it was the sound of my heart breaking. My coffee guy was asking the older woman in front of me the following, "Hey, haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been? The usual coffee?"
Yes, my coffee guy had used the same cheap line on me as he had on this cougar! How did this happen? And furthermore, how could he do this to me? I thought we had something special. I thought that my large coffee was the one cup he looked forward to pouring each morning. I thought that I was original and special to him!!
I haven't returned to my coffee shop since then. It just hurts too much. I hope that one day we can get back to where we were before, but I am not sure how to do that. To ensure this time doesn't have to come soon, I bought the value pack of Folgers coffee. I will be sipping my dirty sock tasting coffee for at least another three months.
Taubel--OUT (and not to Starbucks!)
Friday, April 23, 2010
My New Picture...
I put up a new picture for my profile and then took it down with in a day. Why you ask? No, it wasn't because Mark Paul Gosselaar sent me that new photo along with an email detailing his undying love for me. No, it wasn't because I was fearful that someone would see my photo online and thus my life would spiral into a series of failures--never getting another job, stolen identity, stalker,etc. It was because I looked a bit busted in the photo. It was taken by one of my students after a long day at school. I felt it was is an accurate look of how I normally look/feel when I am blogging. I realized that I was consistently apologizing to you for grammatical and spelling errors, and I thought the picture would provide some sort of defense for my downfalls in the writing arena. By the end of most days, I am still swimming in letter sounds, temper tantrums(from my students and myself), and accidents of all kinds. It is hard for me to pour my glass(es) of wine, let alone put a sentence together. (You will notice I am still trying to prove to why my poor writing should be excused--wah wah). In the end, the picture was more of a reason for you all to stop following my blog and/or stop being friends with me. It was bad guys....real bad. (There would be no way that Maks, from Dancing With the Stars, would want to take me on a date if he thought I looked like that)
You may be asking, "Becca, Why didn't you just take a cool picture of yourself wearing aviators and then post it?" To you I say, How dare you?!?! Who do you think I am? Some girl who sits around and takes pictures of herself? Do you want that obvious slanted pic that tells you, "This girl uses all her spare time to take pics of herself wearing fashionable sunglasses for her new facebook profile picture, and furthermore she thinks these pictures make her look prettier and skinner than she really is but they actually make her look even more bustarded?" Have some dignity. Have some class...I would never!
Ok I can't lie...I tried to do that. (see pic below). But none of my attempts actually made me look sane, much less a cool blogger. (I realize the oxymoron I just made in that last sentence). Also, the picture you see below is the one I managed to take upside down--yes I am a twenty something who grew up in the age of technology. But in my defense I used disposable cameras until 2008.
I was just trying to look cool, but then I realized, "Becca you have never been cool. Ridiculously, awesomely, and absurdly funny--yes, but never cool." That's when I realized--I have been put here to make you people laugh. Therefore, I have posted my busted looking profile picture and pictures of my attempts to look hardass for your entertainment. It is a hard job but some one has got to do it. Let me know how you feel!
NOTE--I do not need your judgments about my attempts to take cool pictures. It was a Friday night and I decided to stay in to re-watch the Madonna episode of Glee. I think it is safe to say I realize that I am anything but cool.
Taubel--OUT
Yes, I was trying to be a cast member of The Hills...or I had just finished watching Top Gun. Does either excuse really make this picture ok? (Deep sigh and shoulder shrug)
You may be asking, "Becca, Why didn't you just take a cool picture of yourself wearing aviators and then post it?" To you I say, How dare you?!?! Who do you think I am? Some girl who sits around and takes pictures of herself? Do you want that obvious slanted pic that tells you, "This girl uses all her spare time to take pics of herself wearing fashionable sunglasses for her new facebook profile picture, and furthermore she thinks these pictures make her look prettier and skinner than she really is but they actually make her look even more bustarded?" Have some dignity. Have some class...I would never!
Ok I can't lie...I tried to do that. (see pic below). But none of my attempts actually made me look sane, much less a cool blogger. (I realize the oxymoron I just made in that last sentence). Also, the picture you see below is the one I managed to take upside down--yes I am a twenty something who grew up in the age of technology. But in my defense I used disposable cameras until 2008.
I was just trying to look cool, but then I realized, "Becca you have never been cool. Ridiculously, awesomely, and absurdly funny--yes, but never cool." That's when I realized--I have been put here to make you people laugh. Therefore, I have posted my busted looking profile picture and pictures of my attempts to look hardass for your entertainment. It is a hard job but some one has got to do it. Let me know how you feel!
NOTE--I do not need your judgments about my attempts to take cool pictures. It was a Friday night and I decided to stay in to re-watch the Madonna episode of Glee. I think it is safe to say I realize that I am anything but cool.
Taubel--OUT
Yes, I was trying to be a cast member of The Hills...or I had just finished watching Top Gun. Does either excuse really make this picture ok? (Deep sigh and shoulder shrug)
Saturday, April 17, 2010
My First CD...
The first c.d. I ever bought was by a lesser known group called The Real McCoy. Below is a link to my favorite song. It was the only reason I bought the CD.
NOTE--first tape I ever bought was the TLC On The TLC Tip. What About Your Friends was my jam! In 3rd grade I had some issues with some friends and it was my anthem. Thank you ladies. Links below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kctlBvsaFuE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVJBhDoGapM
Happy Saturday and your welcome!
Taubel--OUT!
NOTE--first tape I ever bought was the TLC On The TLC Tip. What About Your Friends was my jam! In 3rd grade I had some issues with some friends and it was my anthem. Thank you ladies. Links below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kctlBvsaFuE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVJBhDoGapM
Happy Saturday and your welcome!
Taubel--OUT!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Keeping It Mediocre
WARNING--Shameless plug coming your way. Below is a link to the video of my first improv show. Our team name is Keeping It Mediocre--we set expectations high. We have all been taking classes at Second City in Chicago, and these clips are from our level C show at the Training Center.
We are currently in our last class and have our last show on May 1st. If any of you are in the Chicago area please come see us!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAAc07o_8z0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1khV2BPckEw&feature=related
*There are 2 videos of the show the first link is of the first 8minutes and the second link is the remainder of the show.
Enjoy!
Taubel--OUT!
Transform Me=Awesome!!
Readers, prepare yourself for a big shocker. I am watching VH1 reality shows this morning. Stop judging me and turn your tv to VH1. You will thank me later.
Currently, VH1 has a show called Transform Me!. The basis of this show is that 3 Transgender women help a woman who is struggling with self esteem and fashion. They come to here home, riffle through her closet and make up drawer, and talk to her about her current lot in life. The idea is that the transformers know what it is like to feel like they are not able to be a beautiful woman. Because of the journey they took to become a woman, they are now qualified to help these fashion challenged women find higher self esteem and clothes that actually look like they are from 2010.
I was a bit skeptical of this show, but five minutes in, I was sold! Think Queer Eye for the Straight Guy meets the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Basically, it equals AWESOME!!
The transformers travel around in an ambulance and say some hilarious things. For example, upon searching through a transformees make up drawer they found only a tub of Vaseline. This upset them, and when they confronted the fashion patient this was said, "Petroleum Jelly does not count as a make up item." I died for that comment. Thank god they told us. How many people have been going around thinking that vasline would be the best thing before a Friday night on the town? They get better...
They took their transformee on a shopping spree and began to explain the joys of accessories. BTW--I learned a lot from this segment. I may or may not have been taking notes. It was not until one of the transformers began to talk about the power of the clutch that I realized the gold mine I had come across. Apparently, the fashion victim was not holding her clutch correctly, nor strutting with said clutch right. They showed her a couple of ways to work the clutch and then said this gem, "The clutch is the slave and it will serve you." Get it gurl!!!! Thank goodness I was watching. I had no idea that a clutch could serve me. You think it could brew my coffee in the morning too?
Finally, to help their charge find her inner strength they took her to a Country Western bar to ride a mechanical bull (which they called a buffalo for the remainder of the show). This is where two of my favorite lines were said. First their fashion victim mounted the bull, and I must say, she was pretty good. One of the transformers felt the ride on the bull was a metaphor for her transformation. "When she jumped up on that buffalo, she told me 'I'm ready. I want to go through life being fierce.'" I love that a ride on a mechanical bull said all of that. Maybe some of our governmental officials need to ride a mechanical bull to get some answers to the many problems we have going on...furthermore, maybe the Transform Me ladies should head up to Washington and spend a week or so there.
Perhaps the best line was when the transformers took to the bull riding. One was wearing a skirt and tried to jump up on the bull. Immediately, VH1 put up a sensory bar and then they cut to a confessional shot. "I'm not one to wear underwears but if I decide to ride a buffalo I think that would be a smart choice." Thank you VH1...thank you.
By the end of the episode, the fashion victim was a victim no longer. Not only did she look beautiful, but she seemed to have a lot more confidence. Like most makeover shows, there were some tears of joy at the end, but I didn't mind it so much.
Overall, this show is entertaining and a little heart warming. I am tempted to have someone take pictures of me before and after school, and then send them to VH1. I go for comfort when teaching. Therefore, I look pretty tragic, and I am more than certain I could qualify as a fashion victim. I have a feeling those 3 ladies and I would have a great time together.
Set your DVRs and start watching this show. I have to run and watch the latest episode of 16 and Pregnant.
Taubel--OUT!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
A Quick One...
First, let me say that Jason Derulo has some JAMS and I love them. Before he starts singing each of his songs he does this little intro thing where he sings his name. I thought this was just to remind you who he was in case you are listening to suffle on your iPod and you needed a quick reminder. We have all been there before--you think you are about to get one song but then you get another one that has a similar beginning. Jason D. just lets us know up front what awesome beat we are about to jam to.
He just performed on American Idol, and he did the name intro there too. It really confused me. Hey Jason, Ryan just told everyone you were performing. We were pretty sure it was going to be you. I wasn't thinking that Ryan and the Idol gang were going to pull a fast on us and put Clay Aiken on the stage. Not only would that be a little creepy but it would be a really good way to flush ratings down the toilet. I appreciate you wanting to be sure we knew it was you kicking ass on stage, but I think it might have been a bit over the top. That David kid from the other season of Idol just performed, and he wasn't like "David Archie here" right before he launched into his not so great version of Imagine. He knew that we all knew it was him on stage and that we were all wishing that it were the other David on stage.
So Jason, while I LOVE your songs, I think it is safe to say that we know who you are and we love you. Can we cut the intros please? K Thanks! BTW--Love you!
Taubel--OUT!
He just performed on American Idol, and he did the name intro there too. It really confused me. Hey Jason, Ryan just told everyone you were performing. We were pretty sure it was going to be you. I wasn't thinking that Ryan and the Idol gang were going to pull a fast on us and put Clay Aiken on the stage. Not only would that be a little creepy but it would be a really good way to flush ratings down the toilet. I appreciate you wanting to be sure we knew it was you kicking ass on stage, but I think it might have been a bit over the top. That David kid from the other season of Idol just performed, and he wasn't like "David Archie here" right before he launched into his not so great version of Imagine. He knew that we all knew it was him on stage and that we were all wishing that it were the other David on stage.
So Jason, while I LOVE your songs, I think it is safe to say that we know who you are and we love you. Can we cut the intros please? K Thanks! BTW--Love you!
Taubel--OUT!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Zack Morris--The Secret of Life
*It is way past my bed time. Please forgive my rants and overall ridiculousness. I need sleep.
I am like many young adults who decide to take part in the season of Lent, for no other reason than to brag about what frivolous things we have decided to rid ourselves of. This year, I decided to give up making bad decisions. I can see all of you pondering this statement, and wondering to yourself, "What does she mean, bad decisions?"
I am glad you asked. Actually, not all that happy you asked. Your question forces me to explain myself. I would rather hide behind the mystery then have you guys know my true struggles. BAM! I know, I am soooooo deep. It's what we bloggers do...we get deep and ponder life's issues. It's a blessing and a curse. If you doubt me see my first post, then reference post 2, then see 2 posts before this one--they prove my point. I am like that episode of Saved By the Bell when Zack gave the Valedictorian speech that Jesse started to give but then told Screech to give, who then gave the mic over to Zack. Yup, I just speak what's in the heart. (That my friends is what we call a diversion. This is a tactic I use to get you to forget the original question you had so I don't have to answer it. I am good.)
Back to my Lent goal--I am happy to report, I made it forty days without making a poor life decision. I realize that this all depends on what you define as a bad life decisions. And to that I say, you don't make my rules. By my standards, I did pretty good.
What are my standards? I am glad you ask--again, not really. (See above as to why). I wasn't sure about my standards at first, but then I realized all my answers could be solved by looking to that blond bombshell--Zack Morris. (again, see previous reference to Mr. Morris)
After much research I have decided that, according to Saved by the Bell, bad Life Decisions Are:
Bad decision #1: Getting in a bar fight. I watched that episode when Zack and Slater got in a fight and I realized it wasn't worth it. (*NOTE this reference comes from the Tori years, and I was not a fan of these episodes.) After watching the video link below, I decided that fighting is NEVER the answer, and I can honestly say, I did not get a fist fight during Lent. Actually, I have NEVER been in a fist fight. So 2 pts for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO73-WlOHhM
Bad decision #2: Flashing a camera that turns out to be Girls Gone Wild. There was this one episode of SBTB when Lisa was going out with Jesse's new step brother. They were driving around the parking lot of Bayside and Lisa took the wheel. In a ill-fated attempt to get Jesse's step bro in trouble, Zack, Slater, and Screech tried to snap a picture of the step bro driving the car. Bad news Bayside Tigers, Lisa was driving the car, and the flash startled her and she crashed the car. Whose car was this you ask? None other than Mr. Belding's. DRAMA!!! After that episode, I have decided to avoid cameras. So good news readers, I managed to avoid all cameras during Lent. This means there was no chance that I would flash a camera. Actually, I have never flashed a camera and have no desire to do so. Another deuce for me!
Bad decision #3: Having a really bad drug habit that ruins your family and financial standing. (Another Saved By the Bell reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO73-WlOHhM ) THERE'S NO HOPE WITH DOPE!! Zack and the gang taught me that drugs and Johnny Dakota are bad!! I bet you know how I did with this one! Yup, I DIDN'T develop a drug addiction. And again, I have never had a drug habit. I attribute this to Zack Morris and my inability to do things that would result in jail time. Another 2 pts for me and Bayside.
My assessment of this year's Lent goal is that I am REALLY good at this. Basically, I have been living in Lent season for the past 25 years. I feel really good about myself! I have successfully avoided trashy hair pulling fights, public nudity, and drugs.
Some say I am a normal, functioning adult, but I think there is an unsung hero in all of this. His name:Zack Morris. His game:making Lent easy on all of us. I think you should all go out and buy Saved by the Bell on DVD and let the gang show you how to live life. Seriously, think of a life problem you have. Then pop on an episode of SBTB. I am more than certain you will find a way to solve or forget about that problem. Yes, I said it and I stand by it.
And there you go! I not only make you laugh but I give you some good life advice. Your welcome! (Insert virtual group high five and freeze frame. Cue theme song)
Taubel--OUT!
I am like many young adults who decide to take part in the season of Lent, for no other reason than to brag about what frivolous things we have decided to rid ourselves of. This year, I decided to give up making bad decisions. I can see all of you pondering this statement, and wondering to yourself, "What does she mean, bad decisions?"
I am glad you asked. Actually, not all that happy you asked. Your question forces me to explain myself. I would rather hide behind the mystery then have you guys know my true struggles. BAM! I know, I am soooooo deep. It's what we bloggers do...we get deep and ponder life's issues. It's a blessing and a curse. If you doubt me see my first post, then reference post 2, then see 2 posts before this one--they prove my point. I am like that episode of Saved By the Bell when Zack gave the Valedictorian speech that Jesse started to give but then told Screech to give, who then gave the mic over to Zack. Yup, I just speak what's in the heart. (That my friends is what we call a diversion. This is a tactic I use to get you to forget the original question you had so I don't have to answer it. I am good.)
Back to my Lent goal--I am happy to report, I made it forty days without making a poor life decision. I realize that this all depends on what you define as a bad life decisions. And to that I say, you don't make my rules. By my standards, I did pretty good.
What are my standards? I am glad you ask--again, not really. (See above as to why). I wasn't sure about my standards at first, but then I realized all my answers could be solved by looking to that blond bombshell--Zack Morris. (again, see previous reference to Mr. Morris)
After much research I have decided that, according to Saved by the Bell, bad Life Decisions Are:
Bad decision #1: Getting in a bar fight. I watched that episode when Zack and Slater got in a fight and I realized it wasn't worth it. (*NOTE this reference comes from the Tori years, and I was not a fan of these episodes.) After watching the video link below, I decided that fighting is NEVER the answer, and I can honestly say, I did not get a fist fight during Lent. Actually, I have NEVER been in a fist fight. So 2 pts for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO73-WlOHhM
Bad decision #2: Flashing a camera that turns out to be Girls Gone Wild. There was this one episode of SBTB when Lisa was going out with Jesse's new step brother. They were driving around the parking lot of Bayside and Lisa took the wheel. In a ill-fated attempt to get Jesse's step bro in trouble, Zack, Slater, and Screech tried to snap a picture of the step bro driving the car. Bad news Bayside Tigers, Lisa was driving the car, and the flash startled her and she crashed the car. Whose car was this you ask? None other than Mr. Belding's. DRAMA!!! After that episode, I have decided to avoid cameras. So good news readers, I managed to avoid all cameras during Lent. This means there was no chance that I would flash a camera. Actually, I have never flashed a camera and have no desire to do so. Another deuce for me!
Bad decision #3: Having a really bad drug habit that ruins your family and financial standing. (Another Saved By the Bell reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO73-WlOHhM ) THERE'S NO HOPE WITH DOPE!! Zack and the gang taught me that drugs and Johnny Dakota are bad!! I bet you know how I did with this one! Yup, I DIDN'T develop a drug addiction. And again, I have never had a drug habit. I attribute this to Zack Morris and my inability to do things that would result in jail time. Another 2 pts for me and Bayside.
My assessment of this year's Lent goal is that I am REALLY good at this. Basically, I have been living in Lent season for the past 25 years. I feel really good about myself! I have successfully avoided trashy hair pulling fights, public nudity, and drugs.
Some say I am a normal, functioning adult, but I think there is an unsung hero in all of this. His name:Zack Morris. His game:making Lent easy on all of us. I think you should all go out and buy Saved by the Bell on DVD and let the gang show you how to live life. Seriously, think of a life problem you have. Then pop on an episode of SBTB. I am more than certain you will find a way to solve or forget about that problem. Yes, I said it and I stand by it.
And there you go! I not only make you laugh but I give you some good life advice. Your welcome! (Insert virtual group high five and freeze frame. Cue theme song)
Taubel--OUT!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Bieber Fever
I have received some complaints surrounding my last post. I did not realize what a following young Bieber had--esp. among the 25-30 crowd.
Because many of you felt that I needed to take a second listen to JB's hits, I decided to download more of his jams. The ends result--I now have a iTunes Playlist called Teen Sensations--You wish you were one. Along with young JB, we have the talented Justin Timberlake and *NSYNC, New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, the Backstreet Boys, Britney, Christina A., LFO, etc. etc. Pretty much if you sang a bad love song that teen girls went crazy for, I put you on that playlist.
I still don't like the fact that this kid is everywhere, but I do like his jams. They are catchy, and I will admit I did bust the Baby song out while I was getting ready today. I may or may not have done a spin move and pretended my bathroom mirror was the video camera. While getting ready, I like to sing and dance like I am in the music video...I feel your judgments and I don't like it.
Moral to the story is don't judge a singer by the fact that he sounds like he could be on Sesame Street. You never know when you could discover a song that really makes your feet tap, or in my case, really makes you use your brush as a microphone and break out the sprinkler dance move.
Bossy and Friends--I hope this helps to mend our friendships. My apologies for not giving Justin the praise he deserves.
Taubel--OUT!
Because many of you felt that I needed to take a second listen to JB's hits, I decided to download more of his jams. The ends result--I now have a iTunes Playlist called Teen Sensations--You wish you were one. Along with young JB, we have the talented Justin Timberlake and *NSYNC, New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, the Backstreet Boys, Britney, Christina A., LFO, etc. etc. Pretty much if you sang a bad love song that teen girls went crazy for, I put you on that playlist.
I still don't like the fact that this kid is everywhere, but I do like his jams. They are catchy, and I will admit I did bust the Baby song out while I was getting ready today. I may or may not have done a spin move and pretended my bathroom mirror was the video camera. While getting ready, I like to sing and dance like I am in the music video...I feel your judgments and I don't like it.
Moral to the story is don't judge a singer by the fact that he sounds like he could be on Sesame Street. You never know when you could discover a song that really makes your feet tap, or in my case, really makes you use your brush as a microphone and break out the sprinkler dance move.
Bossy and Friends--I hope this helps to mend our friendships. My apologies for not giving Justin the praise he deserves.
Taubel--OUT!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Who is this Justin Bieber?
Many of you know that I am totally the person advertising and tv execs target. I am a sucker when it comes to the mainstream. I love cheesy 80s ballads, boy bands, horrible reality tv shows, and for some reason celebrity gossip. Yes, I frequent perezhilton.com, and I love a good issue of People magazine. I am what's wrong with America.
Recently, I have caught wind of this Justin Bieber character. I must admit, until about a month ago I had no idea who this kid was--this upsets me for several reasons: 1.It means I am aging and loosing my ability to follow mainstream America 2.I am normally all over cheesy love songs and I some how missed his 3 big hits. (no worries, I have downloaded them and am still deciding if they are worthy of my solo performance while getting ready).
I have several issues with this pre-pubescent singer. Normally, I am very up-to-date with the hot new teen sensation and have been known to have a slight crush on them. Jesse McCartney and Zac Efron found fame during my college years and I thought both of them were adorable...I may have marked McCartney's 18th birthday on my calendar, but that is beside the point.
I must say, I don't get the obsession with this Bieber kid. Here are my concerns:
1.He looks like he just stepped off the Blue's Clues train. I mean he is like 10 years old and 4ft tall, right? He is tiny!! However, he dresses like he is in his mid-twenties. It is like he is mini-Justin Timberlake (it hurt to type that). Maybe even the bobble head version of Justin Timberlake. I remember when *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys hit the mainstream, and I remember them looking older and much cuter. He reminds me of the youngest kid on Family Ties...you know the kid the Keaton's had in one of the later seasons, and then he suddenly aged like 5 years the next season. But this reference may not work here as this show started in the 80s which is way to old for Mr. Bieber. I believe he was born in 1999--when *NYSNC and Backstreet Boys were on their sophomore albums (yeah I just referenced Family Ties and used the term "sophomore albums"--deal with it)
2. His songs concern me. He is 12 and telling me there is going to be One Less Lonely Girl and that I'm going to be his One Love. Thank you Justin Bieber....I am glad to know that a pre-pubescent, shaggy haired, Canadian is telling me not to worry about my love life. I am sorry if I have a hard time believing these grandiose promises you are making me and all the other ladies in the world, but I have a feeling your idea of curing loneliness is a box of Lucky Charms and Saturday morning cartoons in your race car pajamas. So thank you Justin, for reminding me the only men out there concerned with loneliness are 12 year olds that think Usher and Justin Timberlake are "Old School." **NOTE--I realize these songs are not targeted towards me rather 10-15 year olds. And to them little Justy could cure their loneliness by taking them on a date to the school cafeteria. However, I get pissy when I think singers are not singing about me, to me, or for me. I am sorry, I am selfish...again I say, deal with it.
3. This brings me to point 3. Usher is this kids "mentor." I'm sorry, when did Usher become old enough to be someone's mentor? I refuse to believe that U-S-H-E-R R-A-Y-M-O-N-D is a mentor. (those of you out there were singing the song from 97--I know you! I digress...) If we are looking for tween mentors, let's start with a member of the Jackson 5, maybe New Edition, or even New Kids on the Block. Yeah I get it, Usher was a tween star too, but admitting Usher is old enough to impart words of wisdom on this child means that I have to admit that I am old too. I refuse to do this.
4. Has he hit puberty? As I have said in above rants, Justin is obviously pre-pubescent. This does not bode will for his future in the singing world. We all saw the Brady Bunch episode with Peter, When it's time to change, you got to rearrange... (insert squeak in voice. And little Bieber, I have a feeling when that voice goes crazy, there are going to be several problems, and your singing career will be a huge one. Puberty was a bitch for us all, but I have a feeling it will cost him a lot more.
5. His name is ridiculous. How do I say it? How do I spell it? Is there a L is there and extra R somewhere? I mean, Mentor Usher--could we not have made this simpler? I realize that I should be able to handle this, but it is just another reason why this child annoys me. I want to keep saying Justin Bebe or Justin Bebler...it is confusing.
6.There is only room for one Justin in my iTunes, and I think we all know who that is. Until you give me a record as hot as Justified or Future Sex Love Sounds, then step off Bieber. You will never make my heart skip a beat like JT...and you shouldn't because that would be illegal...not for you, but for me. And I am not down with that sort of stuff. Going younger for me means 22.
Overall, I am not a fan of this kid, and while I'm at it I don't like those Jonas kids or the Selena character either. They all kind of creep me out. People tell me all these teen stars are the new Justin Timberlakes, Britney Spears, Beyonces etc etc. I am sorry, but they don't have half the talent our teen stars had. I mean come on, "Hit Me Baby One More Time," "Bootylicious," and "Bye, Bye, Bye" were quality songs with such musicality. (I realize how absurd this sounds...no worries. I am just being a bit extreme to get a point across. Us bloggers* do that sometimes). Your new Disney kids are nothing to my Disney celebs!
I guess this has all made me realize that I have stepped into the world where my thoughts start with, "When I was younger..." or "Back when I was in high school..." or "Things were different when I was young..." And this is why I don't like Justin Bieber. He has made me realize that I am too old for MTV and teeny bopper songs, and for this I will not be his fan.
Ok I am off to sing some late 90s teen hits and watch She's All That...you know the good stuff.
Taubel--OUT!
*I called myself a blogger in this post. I realize this solidifies the fact that I am a tool. I appreciate your concerns.
Recently, I have caught wind of this Justin Bieber character. I must admit, until about a month ago I had no idea who this kid was--this upsets me for several reasons: 1.It means I am aging and loosing my ability to follow mainstream America 2.I am normally all over cheesy love songs and I some how missed his 3 big hits. (no worries, I have downloaded them and am still deciding if they are worthy of my solo performance while getting ready).
I have several issues with this pre-pubescent singer. Normally, I am very up-to-date with the hot new teen sensation and have been known to have a slight crush on them. Jesse McCartney and Zac Efron found fame during my college years and I thought both of them were adorable...I may have marked McCartney's 18th birthday on my calendar, but that is beside the point.
I must say, I don't get the obsession with this Bieber kid. Here are my concerns:
1.He looks like he just stepped off the Blue's Clues train. I mean he is like 10 years old and 4ft tall, right? He is tiny!! However, he dresses like he is in his mid-twenties. It is like he is mini-Justin Timberlake (it hurt to type that). Maybe even the bobble head version of Justin Timberlake. I remember when *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys hit the mainstream, and I remember them looking older and much cuter. He reminds me of the youngest kid on Family Ties...you know the kid the Keaton's had in one of the later seasons, and then he suddenly aged like 5 years the next season. But this reference may not work here as this show started in the 80s which is way to old for Mr. Bieber. I believe he was born in 1999--when *NYSNC and Backstreet Boys were on their sophomore albums (yeah I just referenced Family Ties and used the term "sophomore albums"--deal with it)
2. His songs concern me. He is 12 and telling me there is going to be One Less Lonely Girl and that I'm going to be his One Love. Thank you Justin Bieber....I am glad to know that a pre-pubescent, shaggy haired, Canadian is telling me not to worry about my love life. I am sorry if I have a hard time believing these grandiose promises you are making me and all the other ladies in the world, but I have a feeling your idea of curing loneliness is a box of Lucky Charms and Saturday morning cartoons in your race car pajamas. So thank you Justin, for reminding me the only men out there concerned with loneliness are 12 year olds that think Usher and Justin Timberlake are "Old School." **NOTE--I realize these songs are not targeted towards me rather 10-15 year olds. And to them little Justy could cure their loneliness by taking them on a date to the school cafeteria. However, I get pissy when I think singers are not singing about me, to me, or for me. I am sorry, I am selfish...again I say, deal with it.
3. This brings me to point 3. Usher is this kids "mentor." I'm sorry, when did Usher become old enough to be someone's mentor? I refuse to believe that U-S-H-E-R R-A-Y-M-O-N-D is a mentor. (those of you out there were singing the song from 97--I know you! I digress...) If we are looking for tween mentors, let's start with a member of the Jackson 5, maybe New Edition, or even New Kids on the Block. Yeah I get it, Usher was a tween star too, but admitting Usher is old enough to impart words of wisdom on this child means that I have to admit that I am old too. I refuse to do this.
4. Has he hit puberty? As I have said in above rants, Justin is obviously pre-pubescent. This does not bode will for his future in the singing world. We all saw the Brady Bunch episode with Peter, When it's time to change, you got to rearrange... (insert squeak in voice. And little Bieber, I have a feeling when that voice goes crazy, there are going to be several problems, and your singing career will be a huge one. Puberty was a bitch for us all, but I have a feeling it will cost him a lot more.
5. His name is ridiculous. How do I say it? How do I spell it? Is there a L is there and extra R somewhere? I mean, Mentor Usher--could we not have made this simpler? I realize that I should be able to handle this, but it is just another reason why this child annoys me. I want to keep saying Justin Bebe or Justin Bebler...it is confusing.
6.There is only room for one Justin in my iTunes, and I think we all know who that is. Until you give me a record as hot as Justified or Future Sex Love Sounds, then step off Bieber. You will never make my heart skip a beat like JT...and you shouldn't because that would be illegal...not for you, but for me. And I am not down with that sort of stuff. Going younger for me means 22.
Overall, I am not a fan of this kid, and while I'm at it I don't like those Jonas kids or the Selena character either. They all kind of creep me out. People tell me all these teen stars are the new Justin Timberlakes, Britney Spears, Beyonces etc etc. I am sorry, but they don't have half the talent our teen stars had. I mean come on, "Hit Me Baby One More Time," "Bootylicious," and "Bye, Bye, Bye" were quality songs with such musicality. (I realize how absurd this sounds...no worries. I am just being a bit extreme to get a point across. Us bloggers* do that sometimes). Your new Disney kids are nothing to my Disney celebs!
I guess this has all made me realize that I have stepped into the world where my thoughts start with, "When I was younger..." or "Back when I was in high school..." or "Things were different when I was young..." And this is why I don't like Justin Bieber. He has made me realize that I am too old for MTV and teeny bopper songs, and for this I will not be his fan.
Ok I am off to sing some late 90s teen hits and watch She's All That...you know the good stuff.
Taubel--OUT!
*I called myself a blogger in this post. I realize this solidifies the fact that I am a tool. I appreciate your concerns.
Monday, March 1, 2010
OMG I am a Tool!
Ok if MTV comes out with a Tool Academy 4, I should be a cast member. Pause--we know MTV will come out with the 4th season of this ass stain (yet entertaining) show because it is the Music Television show, so they have shows that have nothing to do with music but giant d-bags. SOLID!
I just re-read my first couple of posts on this beautiful blog, and WTF what was I thinking? Was I trying to be the next guest on Oprah's deep thinkers episode?
Ok now that all of you are back after clicking through the archives to read the first couple of posts, I will continue my rant. (I mean they were a bit over the top, right?)
Really Becca? Really? I feel like I must have been listening to that Flash Dance song "What a Feelin'" and channeling my best Dawson's Creek over think. I used the word "passion" far too often and I believe I quoted a RENT song. NOTE--not embarrassed that I listen to RENT, you should be embarrassed if you don't listen to it. However, I think centering a blog post on it was a bit overkill. It sounded like I was giving the graduation speech at Bayside High. Pause to give Mr. Belding a tissue and let him squeal, "What is going on here?"
For the love of all things sacred and holy I called myself a "coffee shop freak." Was I wearing all black, with tented glasses and a beret? NO! I wasn't. I was probably in loafers, a polo, and a pearl necklace. You tell me where the coffee shop freak is there.
Not only did I do that, but I went into a rant about my lot in life and figuring out what I am "passionate" about (yes used another tense of passion--2pts). While I realize we all ponder what we should be doing, we don't post it on a blog.
Now I realize not all of you dedicated followers were with me at the beginning, but someone should have checked me. You may be asking, "Becca, how could we do that? We didn't want to hurt your feelings." While I applaud you for being sensitive to my insecurities about the future, I have a problem with your inability to realize when I need to be drop kicked in the face. I am not Dawson Leary (yes, I realize this is my 2nd Dawson's Creek reference--deal with it), and you all should have reminded me of that.
Ok, I realize that was a bit harsh. I am projecting my anger on you guys. I am sorry team. I didn't mean it.
I have come to two conclusions after re-reading these posts:
1. I need to update/delete some songs on my iTunes. I am far too tempted to listen to a sappy 80s power balled while blogging. As seen by the 1st and 2nd posts, these songs only lead to absurd rants about "passion" and finding the meaning of life.
2.I need to stick to my strengths--awkwardness and comedy. Therefore, for the next month I am going to try to put myself in some of the most awkward situations possible so I can blog about the hilarity of my life.
Ok, I feel a lot better now that we have discussed my blogging regrets. I am off to listen to my "Find Your Passion" play list on my iPod. Wait, damn it!
Taubel--OUT!
*I apologize for any grammatical and/or spelling errors. I was so upset with myself that I just had to go. (insert deep breath here).
I just re-read my first couple of posts on this beautiful blog, and WTF what was I thinking? Was I trying to be the next guest on Oprah's deep thinkers episode?
Ok now that all of you are back after clicking through the archives to read the first couple of posts, I will continue my rant. (I mean they were a bit over the top, right?)
Really Becca? Really? I feel like I must have been listening to that Flash Dance song "What a Feelin'" and channeling my best Dawson's Creek over think. I used the word "passion" far too often and I believe I quoted a RENT song. NOTE--not embarrassed that I listen to RENT, you should be embarrassed if you don't listen to it. However, I think centering a blog post on it was a bit overkill. It sounded like I was giving the graduation speech at Bayside High. Pause to give Mr. Belding a tissue and let him squeal, "What is going on here?"
For the love of all things sacred and holy I called myself a "coffee shop freak." Was I wearing all black, with tented glasses and a beret? NO! I wasn't. I was probably in loafers, a polo, and a pearl necklace. You tell me where the coffee shop freak is there.
Not only did I do that, but I went into a rant about my lot in life and figuring out what I am "passionate" about (yes used another tense of passion--2pts). While I realize we all ponder what we should be doing, we don't post it on a blog.
Now I realize not all of you dedicated followers were with me at the beginning, but someone should have checked me. You may be asking, "Becca, how could we do that? We didn't want to hurt your feelings." While I applaud you for being sensitive to my insecurities about the future, I have a problem with your inability to realize when I need to be drop kicked in the face. I am not Dawson Leary (yes, I realize this is my 2nd Dawson's Creek reference--deal with it), and you all should have reminded me of that.
Ok, I realize that was a bit harsh. I am projecting my anger on you guys. I am sorry team. I didn't mean it.
I have come to two conclusions after re-reading these posts:
1. I need to update/delete some songs on my iTunes. I am far too tempted to listen to a sappy 80s power balled while blogging. As seen by the 1st and 2nd posts, these songs only lead to absurd rants about "passion" and finding the meaning of life.
2.I need to stick to my strengths--awkwardness and comedy. Therefore, for the next month I am going to try to put myself in some of the most awkward situations possible so I can blog about the hilarity of my life.
Ok, I feel a lot better now that we have discussed my blogging regrets. I am off to listen to my "Find Your Passion" play list on my iPod. Wait, damn it!
Taubel--OUT!
*I apologize for any grammatical and/or spelling errors. I was so upset with myself that I just had to go. (insert deep breath here).
Monday, February 15, 2010
Herpes is a good topic for the coffee shop?
I am back in my neighborhood coffee shop (which apparently is not a fan of heat--I'm freezing my bootay off), and there is a couple next to me recounting how they think the woman contracted Herpes. She is claiming she sat on a public toilet. WTF?!?!?! Seriously people? This is the conversation you choose to have over a hot cup of joe. You are just asking me to stare at you awkwardly. Furthermore, this conversation has lasted the better part of an hour and has really taken away from my plan to listen to the Godspell soundtrack. Now you may be asking yourself, "Becca, I am sure they know you are listening." Ha, that's where you are wrong. I have strategically placed my headphones in so they think I am listening to the Best of Michael Bolton. Booya!
So I have several thoughts about this coffee conversation:
1. Herpes? Really, we are going to talk about Herpes? I know we live in 2010 and nothing should shock me anymore, but couldn't we have at least come up with a code word for the Herp? Maybe call it your little scratchy friend? Or that thing that came to town after you were a 2-bit hooker and did the grown up with that random stranger. Just some ideas.
2. Why have you chosen my local coffee shop to solve this little mystery? I have a feeling that there are plenty of other places to play CSI STD dectective other than in my presence as I sip my decaf and try to lesson plan. I have several suggestions, your car, your living room, or anywhere that does not involve the general public. I now know way too much about you, and honestly, I am tempted to pull up a youtube PSA that warns against the dangers of unprotected sex. (School teacher in me)
3. I think the part I am most concerned about is they are not sure where this Herp came from. I love that she thinks it is from sitting on a public toilet. I have news for you Hooker Betty, that just doesn't happen. Trust me! (There is a whole story that goes with this knowledge but that will be for another day and another post). I am pretty sure you have cheated on your unfortunate looking boyfriend, and now you are scrambling for reasons as to why you have given him the present that no one wants or needs.
I have to tell you that this does not help my mind from wondering what kind of couple they are. After the obvious swingers assumption, I am left with a couple thoughts.
Situation A: This woman is like the Tiger Woods of women in Chicago and her boyfriend has just found out about her infidelities. Therefore, they have picked a public place to talk about all the men she has boned. I get it--this allows for safety and for the boyfriend to have some small joy in her humiliation.
Situation B: She is lying to her boyfriend so she wont have to sleep with him b/c yes, she is a lot better looking than him. If that is the case, then I must say that is some intense storytelling she's got there. Most normal people would just break up with a guy they didn't want to date and/or have sex with. Telling a man you have contracted Herpes from a toilet seat seems a bit over the edge and drastic. But, lady, I don't know your life, so whatever floats your boat.
Situation C: Said girlfriend has neither cheated nor refuses to have sex with her boyfriend, and she really thinks she has Herpes from some random toilet seat in Wrigelyville. In this case, I suggest they go to the Dr. and talk about this situation. There may be more than just a Herpes problem.
In summary, please do not use my sweet coffee shop as a round table discussion for your "private" issues. Thank you!
Taubel--OUT!
So I have several thoughts about this coffee conversation:
1. Herpes? Really, we are going to talk about Herpes? I know we live in 2010 and nothing should shock me anymore, but couldn't we have at least come up with a code word for the Herp? Maybe call it your little scratchy friend? Or that thing that came to town after you were a 2-bit hooker and did the grown up with that random stranger. Just some ideas.
2. Why have you chosen my local coffee shop to solve this little mystery? I have a feeling that there are plenty of other places to play CSI STD dectective other than in my presence as I sip my decaf and try to lesson plan. I have several suggestions, your car, your living room, or anywhere that does not involve the general public. I now know way too much about you, and honestly, I am tempted to pull up a youtube PSA that warns against the dangers of unprotected sex. (School teacher in me)
3. I think the part I am most concerned about is they are not sure where this Herp came from. I love that she thinks it is from sitting on a public toilet. I have news for you Hooker Betty, that just doesn't happen. Trust me! (There is a whole story that goes with this knowledge but that will be for another day and another post). I am pretty sure you have cheated on your unfortunate looking boyfriend, and now you are scrambling for reasons as to why you have given him the present that no one wants or needs.
I have to tell you that this does not help my mind from wondering what kind of couple they are. After the obvious swingers assumption, I am left with a couple thoughts.
Situation A: This woman is like the Tiger Woods of women in Chicago and her boyfriend has just found out about her infidelities. Therefore, they have picked a public place to talk about all the men she has boned. I get it--this allows for safety and for the boyfriend to have some small joy in her humiliation.
Situation B: She is lying to her boyfriend so she wont have to sleep with him b/c yes, she is a lot better looking than him. If that is the case, then I must say that is some intense storytelling she's got there. Most normal people would just break up with a guy they didn't want to date and/or have sex with. Telling a man you have contracted Herpes from a toilet seat seems a bit over the edge and drastic. But, lady, I don't know your life, so whatever floats your boat.
Situation C: Said girlfriend has neither cheated nor refuses to have sex with her boyfriend, and she really thinks she has Herpes from some random toilet seat in Wrigelyville. In this case, I suggest they go to the Dr. and talk about this situation. There may be more than just a Herpes problem.
In summary, please do not use my sweet coffee shop as a round table discussion for your "private" issues. Thank you!
Taubel--OUT!
Friday, February 12, 2010
I may have forgot about my blog....
It has been far too long and I am sure I have lost any and all readers...this post may only be read by myself and (awkward pause and breath) well myself. Bueller? Bueller?
I know I was supposed to update while I was on Winter Break. However, instead of "blogging your brains out," I went on a two week bender. Yes, drinking was more important than making you people laugh. Side note--I was punished for lying to you, the aforementioned bender caused me to gain a couple lbs. Which in turn, made my wardrobe a bit "blousey" for a couple weeks. Karma is a b*.
Upon returning to the classroom and the "real world," I was greeted with a work load that would make the past couple of months look like a tropical vacation with Justin Timberlake (who was half naked the whole time and sang to me everyday). Sorry got a little carried away there.
Not only had my students forgot any and everything I had taught them, but they also decided that beating the crap out of each other was a fun way of telling Ms. T how much they loved her. On top of that, I decided it would be a solid idea to be the Cheerleading coach for my school. (Go RED ELEPHANTS!) Therefore, on weekdays from the hours of 3-5pm I was stuck teaching 13 year olds how to have pep. I think it goes without saying, that I had a glass of wine (or 4) when I got home each night. This was in an effort to get the cute songs and cheers out of my head. I also took to cussing like a sailor just to remind myself that I was 25 and had friends that were born before the late 90s or early 2000s. Please take a moment to get a mental picture of me, bottle of wine in hand, and dropping f-bombs like crazy.
I think it also goes without saying that my dating life is non existent. That last statement would infer that I had a dating life before which we all know is not exactly accurate. Now, if "dating" meant having a few cocktails and a couple bar make outs, then yes I have had a dating life since freshman year of college (note--cocktails during freshman year of college were 2 cans of natty light).
There has been some good that has come out of my long hours at school--I have made two new friends at my school. Both of them are married and extremely settled, but they have been really fun to get to know. However, one has a knack for awkward situations. Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Becca, you are awkward yourself, and I can't count how many awkward situations you have gotten yourself into." Yes, friends, I agree, but hear me out, ok?
My new friend and I went for drinks the other night, and she starting asking about me (all the pleasentries). She got to the dreaded question, "Are you dating a guy?" I laughed because I knew this was impossible with my weekday schedule and weekend benders. New friend took that giggle the absolute WRONG way. Her response, "Oh. I am sorry. Are you seeing a woman?" And I was back peddling, "Oh GOD no. I mean I don't hate lesbians. I think they are weird. I mean different. I mean I am not into the ladies. I am strictly a man girl. I mean I am not a man trying to be a girl. Ok this went bad. I like men, lots and lots of men. Well not all at the same time. But shit. ok let's start over. No, I am not seeing anyone. How's your husband? Is he cute?"
At this point my new friend was thoroughly freaked out by me, which is understandable. My rant made me sound like a sexual confused, warped, home wrecker. I have to say she rebounded pretty quickly and asked if I wanted to be set up with anyone. Are you ready for awesome Becca moment number 2? I replied,"Oh hell yes. I would love to get a free meal." WTF?!?!?!?! Who am I? However, the awkward moment wasn't all mine, new friends went into a promo for dating websites. Now, this is not an unusual comment for people to have these days, well it wasn't until this quote came out of her mouth, "I mean online dating is great. Well, you have to be prepared for the average ugly guy, creeper, or pedophile." Um, wait what? Did you just suggest that pedophiliacs may be a slight bump in the road to finding true love via the interwebs? I am not sure I would call that a small bump. That is so freaky that I have no good comparison to make here. Furthermore, why would they be on an adult dating site? I am pretty sure they wouldn't be into me for the mere fact that I was born in the 80s. Just some thoughts. She went on to say that when she met her husband she thought that he was one of those guys that just sat on the computer all day and looked at porn, but in reality he just did that on the weekend. It was at this point that I was ready to finish my drink and head back to the comforts of my apartment, glasses of wine, and cussing sessions.
Here is the kicker, after her last comment she busts out laughing and tells me that my face was priceless. This bitty had been joking with me the whole time. She told me that one of her favorite games to play is "How awkward can I make this situation?" This is a game I love playing but didn't realize other people knew about it. We were meant to be friends. She told me she met her husband in college and they had been together for 7 years. She is pretty normal. I do wonder if she was really telling the truth and just saw how freaked out I was and decided that I was not ready for her freak show. I am excited to have a couple new friends at school, and especially one who enjoys a good awkward moment or two.
Alright, I am off to flirt with the coffee guy. I'm blogging to you from my friendly neighborhood coffee shop. I'm a regular so they give me a discount. I like to think it is because Jack (coffee guy) thinks I am cute, but I am pretty sure it is because they need the business. I try to make a coffee joke every time I see him, "A cup of Jack I mean Joe." (wink, wink). He never laughs, just always looks uncomfortable while he pours my coffee.
I am making no promises about when my next post will be but I will try hard to not leave you high and dry for 2 months.
Taubel--OUT!
I know I was supposed to update while I was on Winter Break. However, instead of "blogging your brains out," I went on a two week bender. Yes, drinking was more important than making you people laugh. Side note--I was punished for lying to you, the aforementioned bender caused me to gain a couple lbs. Which in turn, made my wardrobe a bit "blousey" for a couple weeks. Karma is a b*.
Upon returning to the classroom and the "real world," I was greeted with a work load that would make the past couple of months look like a tropical vacation with Justin Timberlake (who was half naked the whole time and sang to me everyday). Sorry got a little carried away there.
Not only had my students forgot any and everything I had taught them, but they also decided that beating the crap out of each other was a fun way of telling Ms. T how much they loved her. On top of that, I decided it would be a solid idea to be the Cheerleading coach for my school. (Go RED ELEPHANTS!) Therefore, on weekdays from the hours of 3-5pm I was stuck teaching 13 year olds how to have pep. I think it goes without saying, that I had a glass of wine (or 4) when I got home each night. This was in an effort to get the cute songs and cheers out of my head. I also took to cussing like a sailor just to remind myself that I was 25 and had friends that were born before the late 90s or early 2000s. Please take a moment to get a mental picture of me, bottle of wine in hand, and dropping f-bombs like crazy.
I think it also goes without saying that my dating life is non existent. That last statement would infer that I had a dating life before which we all know is not exactly accurate. Now, if "dating" meant having a few cocktails and a couple bar make outs, then yes I have had a dating life since freshman year of college (note--cocktails during freshman year of college were 2 cans of natty light).
There has been some good that has come out of my long hours at school--I have made two new friends at my school. Both of them are married and extremely settled, but they have been really fun to get to know. However, one has a knack for awkward situations. Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Becca, you are awkward yourself, and I can't count how many awkward situations you have gotten yourself into." Yes, friends, I agree, but hear me out, ok?
My new friend and I went for drinks the other night, and she starting asking about me (all the pleasentries). She got to the dreaded question, "Are you dating a guy?" I laughed because I knew this was impossible with my weekday schedule and weekend benders. New friend took that giggle the absolute WRONG way. Her response, "Oh. I am sorry. Are you seeing a woman?" And I was back peddling, "Oh GOD no. I mean I don't hate lesbians. I think they are weird. I mean different. I mean I am not into the ladies. I am strictly a man girl. I mean I am not a man trying to be a girl. Ok this went bad. I like men, lots and lots of men. Well not all at the same time. But shit. ok let's start over. No, I am not seeing anyone. How's your husband? Is he cute?"
At this point my new friend was thoroughly freaked out by me, which is understandable. My rant made me sound like a sexual confused, warped, home wrecker. I have to say she rebounded pretty quickly and asked if I wanted to be set up with anyone. Are you ready for awesome Becca moment number 2? I replied,"Oh hell yes. I would love to get a free meal." WTF?!?!?!?! Who am I? However, the awkward moment wasn't all mine, new friends went into a promo for dating websites. Now, this is not an unusual comment for people to have these days, well it wasn't until this quote came out of her mouth, "I mean online dating is great. Well, you have to be prepared for the average ugly guy, creeper, or pedophile." Um, wait what? Did you just suggest that pedophiliacs may be a slight bump in the road to finding true love via the interwebs? I am not sure I would call that a small bump. That is so freaky that I have no good comparison to make here. Furthermore, why would they be on an adult dating site? I am pretty sure they wouldn't be into me for the mere fact that I was born in the 80s. Just some thoughts. She went on to say that when she met her husband she thought that he was one of those guys that just sat on the computer all day and looked at porn, but in reality he just did that on the weekend. It was at this point that I was ready to finish my drink and head back to the comforts of my apartment, glasses of wine, and cussing sessions.
Here is the kicker, after her last comment she busts out laughing and tells me that my face was priceless. This bitty had been joking with me the whole time. She told me that one of her favorite games to play is "How awkward can I make this situation?" This is a game I love playing but didn't realize other people knew about it. We were meant to be friends. She told me she met her husband in college and they had been together for 7 years. She is pretty normal. I do wonder if she was really telling the truth and just saw how freaked out I was and decided that I was not ready for her freak show. I am excited to have a couple new friends at school, and especially one who enjoys a good awkward moment or two.
Alright, I am off to flirt with the coffee guy. I'm blogging to you from my friendly neighborhood coffee shop. I'm a regular so they give me a discount. I like to think it is because Jack (coffee guy) thinks I am cute, but I am pretty sure it is because they need the business. I try to make a coffee joke every time I see him, "A cup of Jack I mean Joe." (wink, wink). He never laughs, just always looks uncomfortable while he pours my coffee.
I am making no promises about when my next post will be but I will try hard to not leave you high and dry for 2 months.
Taubel--OUT!
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