You Think You're Cooler Than Me...

Aside from Nelly's Jam (see below), there is another song hitting the airwaves that has spoken to my soul. Mike Posner has a jam out called, "You Think You're Cooler Than Me," and it is the bomb. (His last name and the song title take me back to middle school and the discovery of what Irony really meant...and it wasn't an Alanis Morsette song).

This song has made me do some soul searching....Michael J. told us all to start with the Man in the Mirror. So here I am looking at my reflection and asking myself, "What do I do that makes me cooler than others?" And the answer was clear--I am not cool. However, I do some odd things that make me feel cool--or what I think people will see as cool. I am not ashamed to say that some days I am a 14 year old girl in a 26 year old body. Here is the list of things B Taubs does to try to look hip and with it. I call it, "I kinda hope you think, maybe, just a little, that I am cool: a list of reasons why I should have an intervention"

1. When a good looking man gets on the train, I quickly change my iPod song to something that will make me seem either a. cultured or b.look like I totally know everything about music. So I totes switch from Clay Aiken to the Goo Goo Dolls. That was a joke guys....you should pick up on the sarcasm. Ha I would never listen to Clay Aiken. Laughable! For some reason, I feel that the train hottie will be interested in my song choice, and then if interested will strain his neck around Hobo Joe to see if he can catch the song before the light fades from my pod. If he manages all of that, the mere sighting of my ultra hip Stones song or NPR selection(yeah I said it) will cause him to fall madly in love with me. Sounds like a Blockbuster hit to me or an early 90s romcom with Sandra Bullock finding love on the CTA.

2. I tell people I am re-reading the great American novels, when in actuality I am reading Lauren Conrad's LA Candy. However, in my defense I do enjoy those classic pieces of literature, and I am sincere when I say that I feel that everyone should read them. Gatsby, Huck Finn, A Catcher in the Rye and Are You There, Vodka? It's Me Chelsea are brilliant literary works. Unfortunately, when I was required to read them in high school I was 10x less cool than I am now and decided to get the cliff notes. Therefore, I feel the need to re-read them and I am doing that. However, for every classic I read I get to read one horrifically trashy novel, and thus we get LA Candy or the newest Nicholas Sparks novel turned Miley Cyrus movie. (which I totally go see..in the theatre...with a large diet coke and peanut m&ms--we are getting all the truth out tonight. ALL OF IT!) When I read these less than stellar novels I do it with in the privacy of my own home. However, when I read "the classics" I flaunt it like I am in my Senior Prom dress and just got my hair done at Great Clips. I know--shameful.

3/4. This is a 2-fer. I order wine everywhere I go. I will be in a dive bar and ask for their house white wine. I then giggle softly and tell who I am with that I am a wino (and yes I realize how dumb that makes me sound--urban dictionary that term and then laugh). This is pathetic on several fronts. For starters, I know nothing about wine. I don't even care what I am ordering. I think holding a wine glass makes me look cool and, frankly, I like how it tastes. (wa wa). Here comes the 2-fer--When I drink the wine, I undoubtedly will tell who I am with that I studied in Rome and thus appreciate wine. And while I "studied" in Rome, I drank said wine in piazzas and pondered the meaning of my existence. (you decide what parts of this are true) No, I don't say that I went abroad, took a BS class and got drunk a lot....I say I "studied" in Rome. Like "studying" in Rome brings about street cred to the fact that I am drinking some shitty Chardonnay from a solo cup.

5. I changed the background to my blog. It now looks like an Anthropologie bed spread. Side bar--I have always wanted a bed spread from Anthropologie but could never afford to drop 200 bones on one. Therefore, I stick with airbrush looking quilts from Target...fail. Back to backgroud (giggles to self). I was debating between this and the one with birds on it, but I didn't want to look too girly. However, I think I managed to pick the most girly one. My background will probably change 3 more times as I start to worry what my 8 readers will think of it. Therefore, I was trying to be cool yet again....when will I learn my lesson??

There are many more examples of ways in which I pretend to be cool, but as I type I realize I might need a life/identity/intervention--LIST WAS A SUCCESS! So thank you Mike Posener. I will now be the original Mariah Carey Christmas listening, Nicholas Sparks reading, box wine drinking woman I was meant to be. I will attempt to embrace it--I just hope all of you jokers can accept the new/old me.

Taubel--OUT