It has been far too long and I am sure I have lost any and all readers...this post may only be read by myself and (awkward pause and breath) well myself. Bueller? Bueller?
I know I was supposed to update while I was on Winter Break. However, instead of "blogging your brains out," I went on a two week bender. Yes, drinking was more important than making you people laugh. Side note--I was punished for lying to you, the aforementioned bender caused me to gain a couple lbs. Which in turn, made my wardrobe a bit "blousey" for a couple weeks. Karma is a b*.
Upon returning to the classroom and the "real world," I was greeted with a work load that would make the past couple of months look like a tropical vacation with Justin Timberlake (who was half naked the whole time and sang to me everyday). Sorry got a little carried away there.
Not only had my students forgot any and everything I had taught them, but they also decided that beating the crap out of each other was a fun way of telling Ms. T how much they loved her. On top of that, I decided it would be a solid idea to be the Cheerleading coach for my school. (Go RED ELEPHANTS!) Therefore, on weekdays from the hours of 3-5pm I was stuck teaching 13 year olds how to have pep. I think it goes without saying, that I had a glass of wine (or 4) when I got home each night. This was in an effort to get the cute songs and cheers out of my head. I also took to cussing like a sailor just to remind myself that I was 25 and had friends that were born before the late 90s or early 2000s. Please take a moment to get a mental picture of me, bottle of wine in hand, and dropping f-bombs like crazy.
I think it also goes without saying that my dating life is non existent. That last statement would infer that I had a dating life before which we all know is not exactly accurate. Now, if "dating" meant having a few cocktails and a couple bar make outs, then yes I have had a dating life since freshman year of college (note--cocktails during freshman year of college were 2 cans of natty light).
There has been some good that has come out of my long hours at school--I have made two new friends at my school. Both of them are married and extremely settled, but they have been really fun to get to know. However, one has a knack for awkward situations. Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Becca, you are awkward yourself, and I can't count how many awkward situations you have gotten yourself into." Yes, friends, I agree, but hear me out, ok?
My new friend and I went for drinks the other night, and she starting asking about me (all the pleasentries). She got to the dreaded question, "Are you dating a guy?" I laughed because I knew this was impossible with my weekday schedule and weekend benders. New friend took that giggle the absolute WRONG way. Her response, "Oh. I am sorry. Are you seeing a woman?" And I was back peddling, "Oh GOD no. I mean I don't hate lesbians. I think they are weird. I mean different. I mean I am not into the ladies. I am strictly a man girl. I mean I am not a man trying to be a girl. Ok this went bad. I like men, lots and lots of men. Well not all at the same time. But shit. ok let's start over. No, I am not seeing anyone. How's your husband? Is he cute?"
At this point my new friend was thoroughly freaked out by me, which is understandable. My rant made me sound like a sexual confused, warped, home wrecker. I have to say she rebounded pretty quickly and asked if I wanted to be set up with anyone. Are you ready for awesome Becca moment number 2? I replied,"Oh hell yes. I would love to get a free meal." WTF?!?!?!?! Who am I? However, the awkward moment wasn't all mine, new friends went into a promo for dating websites. Now, this is not an unusual comment for people to have these days, well it wasn't until this quote came out of her mouth, "I mean online dating is great. Well, you have to be prepared for the average ugly guy, creeper, or pedophile." Um, wait what? Did you just suggest that pedophiliacs may be a slight bump in the road to finding true love via the interwebs? I am not sure I would call that a small bump. That is so freaky that I have no good comparison to make here. Furthermore, why would they be on an adult dating site? I am pretty sure they wouldn't be into me for the mere fact that I was born in the 80s. Just some thoughts. She went on to say that when she met her husband she thought that he was one of those guys that just sat on the computer all day and looked at porn, but in reality he just did that on the weekend. It was at this point that I was ready to finish my drink and head back to the comforts of my apartment, glasses of wine, and cussing sessions.
Here is the kicker, after her last comment she busts out laughing and tells me that my face was priceless. This bitty had been joking with me the whole time. She told me that one of her favorite games to play is "How awkward can I make this situation?" This is a game I love playing but didn't realize other people knew about it. We were meant to be friends. She told me she met her husband in college and they had been together for 7 years. She is pretty normal. I do wonder if she was really telling the truth and just saw how freaked out I was and decided that I was not ready for her freak show. I am excited to have a couple new friends at school, and especially one who enjoys a good awkward moment or two.
Alright, I am off to flirt with the coffee guy. I'm blogging to you from my friendly neighborhood coffee shop. I'm a regular so they give me a discount. I like to think it is because Jack (coffee guy) thinks I am cute, but I am pretty sure it is because they need the business. I try to make a coffee joke every time I see him, "A cup of Jack I mean Joe." (wink, wink). He never laughs, just always looks uncomfortable while he pours my coffee.
I am making no promises about when my next post will be but I will try hard to not leave you high and dry for 2 months.
Taubel--OUT!
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