I'm Just a Little Bossy....

It has been a full week since I updated, and I am sorry. I promised you all a blog that would provide you daily entertainment, and I have not kept my promise. I will work hard to ensure that I do not make this mistake again. Okay with you? Wow, I feel really good about that talk. I think we really made a break through here. We understand where each is coming from, and we are moving forward.

On to today's story. I made another mistake this week, and it was questioning Kelly Clarkson's talents and over all bossy-ness. A good friend of mine "checked" me on it, and I am here to discuss 4 main reasons why Kelly Clarkson is the bomb.com/awesome sponsored by YOU KNOW THIS!

1. The First and the Best--We all know I love American Idol. It is no secret that I watch the show and pretend it is me on stage...wait I haven't said that before. Damn it! Well Kelly was the first American Idol. I remember sitting in my Freshman dorm room watching Ryan Seacrest and that other host announce that Kelly had beat that Justin guy. BTW who was that kid? He looked B U S T E D and he sang like a girl. I remember Kelly belting out "A Moment Like This," and thinking, "Man, I should get some sweet blond skunk highlights like her!" It was the early 2000s people, it was all the rage! Back to my point, without Kelly Clarkson we would not have Carrie Underwood, Daughtry, and Danny Gokey!!! (Yes, I put him in their league...bite me if you don't agree!). I think we should all take a moment here to thank Kelly for giving us the best guilty pleasure in life...Tuesday & Wednesday nights with Ryan Seacrest, wasted ass Paula, Simon and Randy. She is the reason the show kept going!

2. Angry Girl Songs- Kelly is the queen of the bitter, angry girl songs. We all know them, love them, and belt them out when we are alone in our rooms. I sometimes sing "Behind These Hazel Eyes," in my mirror, pretending that I am in a music video...of course Justin Timberlake is my leading man and it ends in us making out. Too much information? Without "Miss Independent," "Behind These Hazel Eyes," "Since U Been Gone," "Never Again," "Walk Away," and "My Life Would Suck Without You," girls and boys (I know some of you men out there heart you some Kelly) would have nothing to jam to. Furthermore, we would have no song to say, "OMG that song it so my life!" That's right people, Kelly knows our hearts and she tells us how we should deal! To that, I thank you Kelly Clarkson.

3.She Hates Her Some Skinny Hollywood Talk--Kelly has done several interviews where she talks about her disdain for the Hollywood image of women. Kelly is by no means fat or big, but has been the subject of many weight gain articles in tabloids. Ms. Clarkson always laughs off these articles and reminds fans and haters (yeah I said it) that she is fine with her body. It is refreshing to see someone who is comfortable with how they look and cares not what the budget ass writers at US Weekly have to say. BTW the thought that Kelly Clarkson is over weight is laughable to me. Kelly looks good!

4.Bossy Loves Her--This may be the most important point. Kelly has some dedicated fans who love her no matter what. Whether she is playing in Madison Square Garden or The Minnesota State Fair, Kelly's fans are there. I remember a year or two ago when people thought that Kelly's fire had dwindled, but her loyal bossy fans knew she would be back. They knew that Kelly was fierce and she would return with something that would blow us all away. Enter, "My Life Would Suck Without You." This song jumped straight to No. 1 and marked the return of Kelly Clarkson. Her true fans know that she will be around for a long time and she will be rockin the angry girl ballad for years to come. I can see her 20 years from now: singing on the finale of season 29 of American Idol, with a bouffont and a song about middle aged women who have been wronged by a crusty old man. GOD I LOVE KELLY!!!!!!!

I hope we can all agree that Kelly Clarkson is fierce, bossy, and AWESOME. To my bossy friend that I offended--I am sorry and I hope this entry helps heal the wound I opened with my harsh, unfounded claims about Ms. Clarkson.

Taubel--OUT

Why Can't My Life Be a Musical?

This was the lead story on Perez Hilton today: (Please watch video and then finish reading this post).

http://perezhilton.com/2009-08-30-mexico-goes-for-the-thriller-dance-gold

After watching these fools kill the Thriller dance--RIP Michael, I started thinking about my life and how boring it has been lately. Then it hit me! What if my life was a musical? How kick ass would that be? Think about it....

You are having a bad day and you are stuck in traffic. Frustrated, you bang your hands on the steering wheel and that's when the orchestra starts. You begin your solo about your hard day, and as the beat picks up, the other drivers join in on your song. Pretty soon the entire freeway has busted out in a choreographed dance complete with spirit fingers and box steps. The group song ends with the breathless ensemble's hands in the air and you front and center. Pause for audience applause...
Logically, everyone finds a reason to get back in their car and traffic magically breaks. How much fun would that be?

I started to think about what the title of my musical would be. I played around with several ideas: One City, One Dream--that seemed a bit dramatic, The Most Awesome Girl In America--that seemed like a title I would have come up with in 3rd Grade, Just Livin the Dream--I figured I would have to have Matthew McConaughey in the musical to justify that title, and I just don't think he would be a realistic leading man (because life as a musical is completely normal). I think for now I am using, Just For Laughs, but I am open to suggestions.

In my musical there will be a dance off on the CTA and a duet between me and my leading man, who is still to be determined. I will be holding auditions soon, and I am sure you all know who I hope to have show up. The dance off will be between the aforementioned leading man and the other gentleman callers who are in love with me. They will have a dance to the death for my love. I am thinking a Bob Fosse-esque like routine. Of course my piano man will win and we will immediately engage in a song about our passionate love. Yes, I have put a lot of thought into this.

This might be the best idea I have had in a long time--I'd even venture to say ever. If you would like to be apart of the musical, let me know your character name and conflict. I will write you in and give you the Libretto as soon as it is ready. For you non-musical people out there, the libretto is music book.

Ok I got to go and get a rehearsal schedule together. I am thinking we will need some serious dance work and character development. Look out for my Tony Award Winning Musical that will hit the streets of Chicago soon!

Taubel--OUT!

I Am Every Network Execs Dream...

Readers,

I think we have cause for concern. Last night I was watching TV and settled on a HBO movie. The movie was already in full swing, but I decided to stick with it. Why, you ask? Well the scene I stumbled upon had the two distant lovers meeting in a field of flowers and green grass. The wind was blowing through our heroine's hair, and her lover stood before her staring deeply in her eyes. (Crescendo of romantic music in the background)Before you knew it, they embraced and passionately kissed. I am a sap and love a good romantic movie. I was loving it!

Why the cause for concern, you ask? Upon seeing this kiss I begin to cry. Not just a single watery eye, no. I had tears falling down my face. Here is the kicker: the credits started rolling right after this kiss. Yes, I had caught the last minute of a movie, and somehow, I became crying buffoon. I had no idea the title of this movie or even who the actors were. Who does this? It is not like I am getting over some ridiculously intense relationship, and this kiss threw me in an emotional tailspin of regret and depression. I got so involved after the last minute of this movie that I got online to figure out what movie I was watching. When I found it, I ordered it off iTunes. A normal human being would realize that HBO would replay this gem, but I am no ordinary person.

I finally got myself together to flip the channel to, no shock here, the reality show --More to Love. This is a show about a man who likes dating "bigger" women. It should be noted that he does not like big women because he has narrowed down the field to a personal trainer and three other skinny women. I say skinny because, unlike FOX, I refuse to say that a size 8 is big.

Shortly after watching the bachelor dump 2 unsuspecting women, I found myself getting a bit emotional again. I got so fired up that I went on the FOX website and joined the More to Love chat room and posted a mean comment about the bachelor. Again I ask, WHO DOES THAT? I have no connection to these people and never will. But for some reason I felt that my feelings should be heard. NO THEY SHOULDN'T!! It was then I realized I need someone by my side at all times to punch me in the face when I think about doing stupid things like this.

As seen in previous posts, I love bad reality TV and CW teen dramas. This coupled with last night's events, made me realize that I am the target audience of Network Execs. I am the personality they prey on and hope will get hooked on their morally questionable shows. But it stops here. Last night showed me that I have to move on and start being an adult. So from now on, I will stick to Law &Order and Wolf Blitzer's The Situation Room. I may have to sneak in a Dancing With the Stars every now and then. You can't expect me to quit cold turkey!

Finger crossed that I will soon be able to hold conversations about the state of world peace rather than whether or not Kris Allen should have won American Idol.

Taubel--OUT!

I Need a Life!

**Picture--DWTS Professional Dancer Maks Chmerkovskiy**

They have announced the new Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) cast. Goodbye social life and hello pathetic reality tv watching existence! I just hope I don't get caught up in it like I did with this past season of Idol. I know you are all thinking, "Not likely," but I am going to try to remind myself that I will never meet/fall in love with any of the male dancers. Therefore it is futile to spend days wondering what it would be like to do a passionate tango to Celine Deon's version of "Alone." Yes, I have thought about it before. I mean have you ever seen the dancer named Maks? (He is engaged to Karina--the skinny bitch that dated Slater/Mario Lopez). Well, he is one beautiful piece of man and a brilliant dancer. (please see above picture)

I can use the word brilliant when describing dancers because I was once a dancer. I took ballet, tap and jazz, and my teachers finally told me that I should explore other forms of expression. I like to say that we had creative differences, but I think it was because I didn't really identify with the term "graceful."

I am a bit disappointed with the cast of D-List celebs. Normally, there is at least one person I am excited about, but not this season. If only they had asked Danny Gokey or Matt Giraud (I promise that will be the last mention of my love for them...I hope)

Here is my take on the new cast:
Aaron Carter- brother to Nick Carter aka member of Backstreet Boys. Apparently the little Carter dated Lindsay "I'm a big F-in Mess" Lohan and Hillary Duff. Ummm hi, could we have gotten Nick Carter? I am pretty sure that DWTS is still in his league. I would have rather watched him bounce around the dance floor than his busted little brother who looks like he could weigh 10lbs wet.

Natalie Coughlin- Apparently, she is an Olympic Gold Medalist in swimming. I have no idea who she is. I am like most Americans and only know Michael Phelps...and I am pretty sure after his bong rips and possible DUI, he could have made an appearance on the show. Thank you ABC...

Mark Dacascos- Host of Iron Chef America. He will be voted off in the first week or two so I have no real opinions here.

Tom DeLay --Former House Majority Leader. This one f-ing cracks me up! I love it. ABC--you get 2 points for this. I am sure the Republicans are loving this right now. Between this and Patty Blagojevich going on I'm a Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here, I think that our society is taking a downward spiral and I am all for watching it. You will too! The man was indicted by the Texas Grand Jury and will now be doing the Mamba to a bad Ricky Martin song. I think it might be a little entertaining.

Macy Gray --Singer. This one made me kind of sad. Is her career in that bad of shape? My only hope is that she rocks an Afro and sings at least once this season.

Ashley Hamilton --Actor and Comedian and son of George Hamilton. WTF! Who is this? Am I in left field on this one? I have never heard of this person. So is he famous for having a dad that is always a creepy shade of orange? I just hope he gets voted off early, but I am sure he will get his own show on E! because of this.

Melissa Joan Hart --Some people remember her as Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but I know her as Clarissa and she explained it all. She was the reason I thought it was ok to wear pink cheetah tights under cut off jean shorts. Thank you Melissa, thank you. Best of luck!

Kathy Ireland --Model. She is twice my age and way hotter than I will ever be. For this reason, and this reason alone, I dislike her.

Michael Irvin --Token NFL Player. I am sure he will surprise us and do something great. I hope that he gets really competitive and punches George Hamilton's son for being a Z-List celebrity and ruining the street cred of DWTS. Wait DWTS has no street cred...well I just hope he punches someone.

Joanna Krupa--Model. I don't know who this is. I refer to my statement about Kathy Ireland, and I hope she gets injured week 1 or 2 so I don't feel like I need to go on a diet every time I watch DWTS.

Chuck Liddell--MMA Fighter. I am indifferent about him. Good Luck Chuck!

Debi Mazar--Actress. You may know her from Entourage, but I think her best work was the sequel to Beethoven (yes the dog movies...it was a solid performance.) Plus her partner is the hottie Maks I was talking about earlier. (Again, I refer you to my piece of art above)

Mýa--Singer of the popular song "Ghetto Superstar." I bought that single when it came out and played it on repeat. I even made dance moves to it. I was a really cool kid, I swear. I hope Mya kicks bootay!!!

Kelly Osbourne--This was the description given for Ms. Osbourne, "Reality Star and Singer." What did she sing? And was it a song full of F bombs? To be honest, I kind of hope that she goes far in the competition. My only wish is that whenever she is on camera she drops so many f-bombs that ABC execs are forced to use only bleeps when she speaks.

Donny Osmond --Other half to the busted as duo known as Donny and Marie. I mean really, ABC? Do we need to give the Osmonds another reason to resurface? I thought after the debacle that was Marie Osmond fainting, on season whatever of DWTS, that we learned our lesson. Here we go again, another couple months of the Osmonds talking about how much they love each other and what the glory days were like. That family creeps me out and I just wish they would disappear!

Louie Vito --Professional Snowboarder. Again, I don't know who this is, but maybe he will be worth watching. Ohhhhhh, maybe he will round house kick Donny Osmond in the face causing that fame whore to have to drop out of the competition.

Ok so those are my thoughts. I am not that excited about the season, but I am sure that I will be addicted by week 2.

Taubel--OUT!

The Lot...

For the past 4 years my brother and I have been working on a screen play about used car salesmen. It might be one of the funniest works I have contributed to and would have been a SLAMMIN movie starring the Frat Pack. The Lot is complete with a dance sequence and one liners that will make you laugh for days.

However, Jeremy Piven and his busted ass Hollywood self stole our idea. This summer he came out with a movie based on, yes you guessed it, used car salesmen. The Goods is a movie about Piven and his struggling car dealership. In previews it looks like it might be entertaining, but I doubt that it has the comic genius that The Lot has. Now I have never seen this movie nor will I ever see it, so I don't know if it is funny or not. Let's be honest there is no way that this movie will measure up to the brilliance of our flick. Therefore, there is no reason for me to waste $10 on the poor man's version of The Lot.

There is good news for my brother and I. The Goods tanked at the box office. This means that there is still hope for our little film. I direct you to the link below. Yes it is Perez Hilton and yes I check it every morning. I am confident that I am not the only 24 year old who gets joy from watching a man draw phallic symbols on Angelina and Brad. I am sure all you readers will spend at least 45 minutes on Mr. Hilton's website after reading this. You will be hooked....thank me later!

To all 6 readers out there (we are growing by the day), look forward to the day when you see previews for the Taubel Siblings, The Lot. It will be a hit and you can say you knew about it long ago!


http://perezhilton.com/2009-08-16-say-farewell-to-the-pivert --Ha Piven...never cross a Taubel!!!

Taubel--OUT

Michael Bolton and my iTunes

I am in my new apartment and have yet to get the cable that is included in my rent. Therefore, I have relied heavily on my itunes and my dvd collection. I have already gone through Seasons 1 &3 of Dawson's Creek, Step Up, and Step Up 2--Hitting the Streets. Please hold off on judging.

Last night I realized that I had nothing left. No more Dawson, Joey, & Pacey love triangle. No more Flo-Rida inspired group dance. Nothing. Logically, I hopped on youtube and began surfing, and came across a gem. Saved By the Bell the Costume Ball episode where Zack and Kelly break up because of that two timing (but very good looking) Jeff. As many of you know, I am a huge SBTB fan!! As I watched a teary eyed Kelly tell Zack that she had been a two bit hussy and kissed her boss, I heard the sweet lyrics of one Michael Bolton. Of course Jessie and Slater were singing his jam, "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You," and by singing I mean mouthing the words while dressed as Mark Anthony and Cleopatra. Those crazy kids!

Well that song got the wheels turning...I realize that my Michael Bolton collection was lacking. I mean the man rocked the jerri curled mullet better than Kenny G, or any man in the late 80s early 90s for that matter. Let's review: Time, Love and Tenderness, How Can We be Lovers?, Said I Loved You But I Lied, and, my personal favorite, Steel Bars. The man was a genius when it came to the power ballad of LOVE!

So I spent the next hour and half downloading and listening to Mr. Bolton. It wasn't until I started snapping and swirling my hands (yes I was checking myself out in the mirror), that I realized there was something seriously wrong with this situation. I did some math and it seems that it has almost been 20 years since this man had a hit on the charts. Here I was on a Tuesday night rockin out to a singer who is only famous now because he was dumped my a Desperate Housewife.

Now some of you may be saying to yourself, "Becca, it's not that bad...at least you didn't download the actual episode of SBTB that sent you on this Michael Bolton spending spree." And to that I say, what would be so bad if I did? Because guess what, I DID!!! Yeah, I downloaded some sweet episodes of SBTB. And yes, I have all 5 seasons on DVD so that download was unnecessary. But to all you haters out there, haven't you ever done something that was a bit unnecessary or foolish? That's what I thought...so you can take that attitude and turn on TBS tomorrow morning and remind yourself why Zack Morris and Mr. Belding were the greatest things to happen to Saturday morning TV and my life. (too much?)

All this is to say, that iTunes is a very very bad thing to have when you don't have cable or plans on a Wednesday night. Actually, iTunes is probably a bad thing to have in general, because now I am going to spend the next 2 hours searching for songs on the Can't Buy Me Love soundtrack. My life is so awesome!

Taubel--OUT!

Buses Be Tryin' Me

So it is official...I suck at updating this blog. But let's agree that all 5 of us are here now and ready to read what I have to say.

I am in month #3 here in Chicago and loving every minute of it. I have met some awesome people, had a lot of adult beverages, and apparently have been cursed by the CTA (Chicago's Transit Authority).

In the 3 months I have been here I have had my ear licked (another day another story), had an awkward morning after moment, and face planted while exiting a bus not 1, not 2, but 3 times.

You may have gotten stuck on the "awkward morning after moment," but let me assure you it is not as slutty as it sounds. (Let's be honest here....we are all well aware that I have little to no game. So, this story is not going to end with me making out with some hot hot guy). A couple weeks ago I was out on the town enjoying my mid-twenties. While talking with my friend and her boyfriend (yes I was the 3rd wheel--one of my favorite roles to play), a young gent approached me to start a conversation. As per usual, I become awkward until I realize he is a buddy of friend.

It is important to note that this friend resembled Alf. You remember the hit late 80s early 90s tv show. Well apparently he was the title character. Not only did he look like Alf but he seemed to think that he was the sh*t. Unfortunately for him he was about as cool as Saved By the Bell:The College Years--we remember how stupid that idea was!!

When the evening comes to a close this new gentleman caller asks to walk me home. Assuming the best and thinking he is just being polite, I agree. In my head I think that he can't be too bad even though he looks like a troll and bores the hell out of me. HORRIBLE ASSUMPTION...the whole "when you assume you make an ass of u and me," was so true in this situation.

Once we get to my apartment he goes in for the kill. I am talking a full on kiss rape moment. I quickly rebounded by telling him that I was getting over the flu and that he would probably get a "mean stomach virus for kissing this grill." WTF who am I and why do I manage to say the most bustarded things? He got the hint and went home.

As if that were not an awkward enough moment, I ran into him on the longest bus ride EVER! I got on the bus after a long day of teacher boot camp and with in seconds of sitting down I see him. Yes, ole tongue stabber mcgee was sitting right beside me. We had to suffer through 20 minutes of weather and reality tv talk. The latter is normally a favorite topic of mine, however with this toolbag it was like some one drop kicking me in the face repeatedly while Adam Lambert screamed his version of "Ring of Fire" in my ear. I ended up getting off two stops early so I wouldn't make things more awkward by asking why the hell he felt it necessary to shove his tongue down my throat.

This situation has taught me several lessons: never talk to a friend of a friend, always take a cab home, and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, above all else, pretend to not recognize anyone!!!

There are many more stories to tell you all, but they will have to wait. I am hoping that there will be more time for my updates. Please send any ideas, topics or suggestions my way. I am sorry for being lazy, but I assure you we are on the up and up!!

Taubel--OUT!