I Need a Life!

**Picture--DWTS Professional Dancer Maks Chmerkovskiy**

They have announced the new Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) cast. Goodbye social life and hello pathetic reality tv watching existence! I just hope I don't get caught up in it like I did with this past season of Idol. I know you are all thinking, "Not likely," but I am going to try to remind myself that I will never meet/fall in love with any of the male dancers. Therefore it is futile to spend days wondering what it would be like to do a passionate tango to Celine Deon's version of "Alone." Yes, I have thought about it before. I mean have you ever seen the dancer named Maks? (He is engaged to Karina--the skinny bitch that dated Slater/Mario Lopez). Well, he is one beautiful piece of man and a brilliant dancer. (please see above picture)

I can use the word brilliant when describing dancers because I was once a dancer. I took ballet, tap and jazz, and my teachers finally told me that I should explore other forms of expression. I like to say that we had creative differences, but I think it was because I didn't really identify with the term "graceful."

I am a bit disappointed with the cast of D-List celebs. Normally, there is at least one person I am excited about, but not this season. If only they had asked Danny Gokey or Matt Giraud (I promise that will be the last mention of my love for them...I hope)

Here is my take on the new cast:
Aaron Carter- brother to Nick Carter aka member of Backstreet Boys. Apparently the little Carter dated Lindsay "I'm a big F-in Mess" Lohan and Hillary Duff. Ummm hi, could we have gotten Nick Carter? I am pretty sure that DWTS is still in his league. I would have rather watched him bounce around the dance floor than his busted little brother who looks like he could weigh 10lbs wet.

Natalie Coughlin- Apparently, she is an Olympic Gold Medalist in swimming. I have no idea who she is. I am like most Americans and only know Michael Phelps...and I am pretty sure after his bong rips and possible DUI, he could have made an appearance on the show. Thank you ABC...

Mark Dacascos- Host of Iron Chef America. He will be voted off in the first week or two so I have no real opinions here.

Tom DeLay --Former House Majority Leader. This one f-ing cracks me up! I love it. ABC--you get 2 points for this. I am sure the Republicans are loving this right now. Between this and Patty Blagojevich going on I'm a Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here, I think that our society is taking a downward spiral and I am all for watching it. You will too! The man was indicted by the Texas Grand Jury and will now be doing the Mamba to a bad Ricky Martin song. I think it might be a little entertaining.

Macy Gray --Singer. This one made me kind of sad. Is her career in that bad of shape? My only hope is that she rocks an Afro and sings at least once this season.

Ashley Hamilton --Actor and Comedian and son of George Hamilton. WTF! Who is this? Am I in left field on this one? I have never heard of this person. So is he famous for having a dad that is always a creepy shade of orange? I just hope he gets voted off early, but I am sure he will get his own show on E! because of this.

Melissa Joan Hart --Some people remember her as Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but I know her as Clarissa and she explained it all. She was the reason I thought it was ok to wear pink cheetah tights under cut off jean shorts. Thank you Melissa, thank you. Best of luck!

Kathy Ireland --Model. She is twice my age and way hotter than I will ever be. For this reason, and this reason alone, I dislike her.

Michael Irvin --Token NFL Player. I am sure he will surprise us and do something great. I hope that he gets really competitive and punches George Hamilton's son for being a Z-List celebrity and ruining the street cred of DWTS. Wait DWTS has no street cred...well I just hope he punches someone.

Joanna Krupa--Model. I don't know who this is. I refer to my statement about Kathy Ireland, and I hope she gets injured week 1 or 2 so I don't feel like I need to go on a diet every time I watch DWTS.

Chuck Liddell--MMA Fighter. I am indifferent about him. Good Luck Chuck!

Debi Mazar--Actress. You may know her from Entourage, but I think her best work was the sequel to Beethoven (yes the dog movies...it was a solid performance.) Plus her partner is the hottie Maks I was talking about earlier. (Again, I refer you to my piece of art above)

Mýa--Singer of the popular song "Ghetto Superstar." I bought that single when it came out and played it on repeat. I even made dance moves to it. I was a really cool kid, I swear. I hope Mya kicks bootay!!!

Kelly Osbourne--This was the description given for Ms. Osbourne, "Reality Star and Singer." What did she sing? And was it a song full of F bombs? To be honest, I kind of hope that she goes far in the competition. My only wish is that whenever she is on camera she drops so many f-bombs that ABC execs are forced to use only bleeps when she speaks.

Donny Osmond --Other half to the busted as duo known as Donny and Marie. I mean really, ABC? Do we need to give the Osmonds another reason to resurface? I thought after the debacle that was Marie Osmond fainting, on season whatever of DWTS, that we learned our lesson. Here we go again, another couple months of the Osmonds talking about how much they love each other and what the glory days were like. That family creeps me out and I just wish they would disappear!

Louie Vito --Professional Snowboarder. Again, I don't know who this is, but maybe he will be worth watching. Ohhhhhh, maybe he will round house kick Donny Osmond in the face causing that fame whore to have to drop out of the competition.

Ok so those are my thoughts. I am not that excited about the season, but I am sure that I will be addicted by week 2.

Taubel--OUT!