A couple weeks ago I was sitting in a coffee shop looking for jobs online/facebook stalking people(I know very indie-rocker of me--yes my hair was braided and I just downloaded the new Death Cab track). So I am sipping on my non-fat, soy, double pump, mocha latte when I noticed my coffee sleeve had a little message on it. Here is where I feel I should tell you that I am a HUGE champion of the coffee sleeve. LOVE those little buggers. Protect your hand from hottness so you can enjoy the goodness of your over zealous flavored coffee...now some people would say that I should come with a coffee sleeve because I am so HOT--Holler!! (Ok bad joke, but give me a break I am 24, unemployed and live with my dad!)
Ok so back to my bossy coffee sleeve. It read: "Those who start drinking Alcohol before the age of 15 are 5X more likely to have alcohol problems as adults."
Well thank you coffee sleeve...not only was I worried about being unemployed, but now, I am self-conscious about my decisions I made 10 years ago. I came her to get coffee not to get statistics from Dr. Phil about teen drinking.
Before I knew it I got angry at my coffee sleeve. I was like, "You don't even know me or what I've been through. The alcohol makes me feel good. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!" But then I started thinking, "I don't have a problem with alcohol...I mean I only drink on the weekends or on special occasions or when it is dark. I am young. You are supposed to black out and make out with random strangers in bars. That's what we do...you are just mad because you can't do it," yes I was talking to my coffee sleeve.
I was going through the 12 stages right there: first anger, then denial. I finally realize I that I am getting angry at a coffee sleeve so I tried to calm myself. I am civilized and the coffee sleeve was just making a statement. That's when I realized that the coffee sleeve might have a point. Maybe I do have a problem...I mean there was that one night that I called my dad 10 times thinking it was my ex-boyfriend and screamed, "YOU ASSHOLE...I HATE YOU...YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES!", and that night that I passed out on the dance floor, and then that night (ok you get the picture).
Then I start to think back to High School where I had my first Mike's Hard Lemonade at 16. (BTW some say weed is the gateway drug, well I say Mike's Hard Lemonades is the gateway drink...they made me feel like I was hardcore and could take on the world--no joke!). So then I came to step 3 acceptance...
Here I am in a coffee shop breaking down over the fact that a coffee sleeve has diagnosed what several professionals have tried to over the past several years. (Remember we are in the trust tree at this blog, no judgments)
After my "come-to-Jesus" meeting with my coffee sleeve, I've decided to make a few life goals. Now some of you may be thinking, "Great, she is going to look for a job," well to you I say A.You are wrong, and B. F off! I am prioritizing...I have to put the biggest problems first. I need to fix, what my coffee sleeve called, my alcohol problem. So here are my new life goals in no particular order:
1. No more shots (unless for a special reason like seeing a friend I haven't seen in a week or so, or someone asks for one.)
2. No more beer--I can cut out the calories with this one...two birds, one stone!
3. No more buying alcohol for minors--no need for them to turn out like me. Instead, I will give them the coffee sleeve that changed my life.
4. No more wine because, let's be honest, I have no idea the difference between the grapes, taste, or whatever people say about wine. It all is the same to me...a means to a drunk ends.
5. I am only drinking on weekends and special occasions (Special occasions include--seeing a friend, a birthday, a post-birthday celebration, wedding, a good day, someone needing a pick-me-up, or someone asking me to join them for a drink.)
6. No day drinking--except when it is Football season or a special occasion (see #5 for definition of a special occasion.)
So I put this into effect a couple weeks ago. And then my first temptation: the inauguration. But I was strong, I had my coffee sleeve and the notion that I could change the world. However, I did drink---Ummm hello Inauguration=SPECIAL OCCASION!!! So I poured myself a vodka water and watched history from the comforts of my father's couch. Yes, I was alone, but there were no shots, no beer, no minors, no wine, no day drinking, and it was a special occasion. I call that a SUCCESS!!!!! So take that coffee sleeve!
I feel it important to say that I no longer use coffee sleeves. I am making a strong protest against them and their rhetoric!
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