Week 3 STATS:
Alcoholic Beverages--3 (WE WILL TALK DON'T FREAK OUT YET!!)
Weight Loss--3lbs
Boys asking me on ridiculously awesome dates (or any kind of dates):0
Annoying drunk girls that remind me what not to do when I hop off the wagon in April: 9,999,999.
Ok so let's get straight to the explanation of why I fell off the wagon. No one feels more disappointed about this than me. I had 3 miller lites after my Second City class. We had a rough time in class and everyone was feeling down, so we decided beer and scategories would help. I stayed strong as long as I could but I just wasn't strong enough. (head begins to hang in shame) Looking back, it was a silly reason to fall off the wagon but I was in good company and I almost won scategories! We got the letter B in round 2, and I dominated!!! I am back on the wagon and had a sober filled weekend.
On to STAT #2--BOOYA!! 3lbs! Take that Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and WORLD! (fist pump in the air as Tom Petty's American Girl starts playing).
There is no reason in talking about STAT 3 because it will only make us all feel uncomfortable.
STAT 4--Listen ladies, you are neither cut nor sexy when your mascara is down your face and you are stumbling in those high heels that you thought made your legs look so freakin awesome. (Oh god I feel as though I need Doc's DeLorean Time Machine to talk to old Becca about her 3am drunken confidence. I would also use it to make Marty McFly fall in love with me, but I digress). I was apart of a wicked dance party that lasted until 3am--side note, said dance party included a choreographed dance and some sick robot moves--I was on FIRE! On my trek home I had to walk through the adult frat party that is Wrigleyville. (Clark St at 3am is a comedy show just writing itself). It was an ugly sight for many reasons, but mostly because I saw what I used to looked like at 3am. It was not pretty (cue MJ's Man in the Mirror). I saw a girl throw up, another try to make out with a homeless man, and one lady singing a horrible version of Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now." However, the lady that took home the gold last night was the one that was crying, screaming about why her boyfriend was a "dick," and drinking a clear beverage, all while wobbling in the middle of the street with her dress almost to her chin. This was annoying on several levels--1. It is still cold here in Chi-Town because Spring likes to be an ass. Therefore, her short dress was unnecessary and the reason that American girls get a bad name. Furthermore, I think she missed the memo that it was a dress and not a skanky shirt. 2.I get that your boyfriend is probably a tool that likes drinking jager more than he likes talking to you, but you yelling in the street is making the rest of us understand why he likes to go to loud bars when you are around--the loud music makes it seem like you are just trying to have a conversation, and if you break through that barrier he can get hammered and pretend he likes you. 3. Lock it up with those tears. Us ladies already have a tough time with shows like the Jersey Shore, we don't you making us look like emotional basket cases. (yeah I know most of us are, but we should at least put up a front like we can hold it together.) So keep your tears to yourself until you are in the comforts of your own home and have a best friend that will tell you what you want to hear, "he is just intimidated that you are such a strong and independent woman."
All this is to say, when it is time to step back into the world of social drinking, I will take a couple precautions: 1. I will avoid short dresses and high heels--I already do that but last night was a reminder that while they look great at 8pm, but 3am we look like we are trying to pull a Julia Roberts (please pick up on the Pretty Woman reference). 2. Tequila will not be allowed as it makes me emotional, and I never want to cry in public. That girl looked like someone had killed her cat in front of her. 3.Wrigleyville makes everyone a tool bag, therefore, I will not be allowed to drink in that area. Boystown here I come.
All and all this weekend was a nice reminder of what not to do when drinking. I already feel better about myself--and yes it was because others made asses of themselves. Yeah yeah I get that I am being judgmental blah blah blah.
Taubel--OUT!
I have included a link to MJ's "Man in The Mirror," it is the best video I could find. This is a jam!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNgdpla_5Nw&feature=related
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