"Your Too Young to Look Like That!"

Let's skip the apologies and just say that I am a monthly updater. GOOD NEWS--Christmas Break is around the corner so I will have some time blog your brains out!

Last weekend, I decided to subject myself to utter hell and go to the Macy's in downtown Chicago. Screaming kids, people with no concept of space and movement, and annoying mother/daughter duos filled the floors of the department store. I thought it would be a good idea to get some new make up. I also thought it would be a good idea to go in the make up I wore the night before--I was too lazy/hungover to wash my face. (Ewww gross). Again, I am really bad at making good life decisions.

I approached a make up counter, that will remain nameless, and put on my best "I have no idea what to do," face. Worked like a charm. Susie* swooped right in and said, "Can I help you find some cosmetics today?" She was very official! I explained that I was just looking for something new and before I knew it, she had me in the chair doing a full make over. I felt like I was a guest on the old Ricki Lake show!

Normally, I would be ecstatic to get a free make over, but this cosmetic professional was sassy. We will call her Sassy Susie! With in one minute of the make over, Susie began a laundry list of all the flaws on my face, including but not limited to, the dark circles under my eyes, my dry skin and the redness in my face. The best was she followed up most of her issues with an, "and that is totally preventable." Translation--"You are horrible at looking good and need more help then a cosmetic worker in Macy's"

One of my favorite moments was when Susie asked how old I was. When I told her 25, she took a giant step back, took a deep breath then said, "Oh honey you are too young to have those dark circles under your eyes." Ummm thank you Susie for not only saying such a brutal comment but for making a big f-ing production out of it. Did they not teach you tact in beauty school or was Frenchy from Grease right to drop out and go back to high school? Could we not of tried a plain shift of weight and a nice "maybe I can show you some ways to look even better than you do"? Is that to hard Susie?

Because of Susie's make over and self esteem deflation, I bought a ridiculous amount of over priced beauty supplies. My nightly routine has now extended to countless minutes of moisturizers, eye creams, and exfoliating. You know those commercials where girls look so happy to be washing, moisturizing and doing other girly things to their faces? They make it seem like doing all of that is next to seeing Jesus. Well, they are WRONG! There is no fun or enjoyment in this new routine of mine--mostly because I have no idea what I am doing and I see Susie's disapproving face every time I open a product. I am tempted to march my ass back into Macy's and tell Susie where she can put her under eye cream. But then I realize that is not how an adult would handle the situation...so instead I will just write an angry blog entry about her and call her funny names. Ahhh I am growing up before your very eyes!

Ok got to stare at myself in the mirror and moisturize.

Taubel--OUT

*Names have been changed because I can't remember her real name.