It has been months (actually just a month) since I last posted, and to my faithful followers, I apologize. You see my friends I have made the move out of my fathers house. (I can her you all cheering). Yes, I am finally in the Windy City...I may be poor as junk, but I am here and livin' the dream. As you can imagine, picking up my entire life and moving it to the Midwest has preoccupied my time. However, I am back and ready to blog it out with you peeps. Well, all 5 of you. (I think my fan base has grown by one or two people the past couple months. Watch out Perez there is a new bitch in town. And by town I don't mean L.A. where you are but in town as in the internet or as G.W. Bush says the interwebs).
Life in Chi-Town has been great so far. Some highlights, updates, and news about the ole' blog:
1. I had a homeless man lick my ear while on the CTA. It was one of those moments where I wasn't sure whether to throw up on him or feel slightly flattered that he found my ear that irresistible. (yeah I went there)
2. I ate my first whole hot dog EVER, and it was in Wrigley Field while the Cubs whipped up on the Brewers. I think I killed like 8 terrorist that day...1 hot dog, 4 beers, and a Chicago Cubs baseball game. It don't get much more Amurican than that. Hell yeah! (And if any of you are thinking that 4 beers is too much for an afternoon well then I guess you people do not love the Red, White and Blue like I do. Maybe you should spend more time thinking about why America is the freakin' jam and less time about my drinking habit.)
3. I already made my first Midwest visit. I went to see my brother and his bossy friends in Minneapolis and had the bomb.com time. There was one slight issue...her name Thea and her game: being the most busted ass bartender in life. I apparently caught her on a bad night and that bia got all angry at me for trying to order drinks...after I waited 30 minutes for her to even acknowledge my existence at the bar. Like, Hi I may not look like I stepped out of a Victoria Secret magazine but I am one hell of a tipper but she will never know this because she got Bossy in a BAD WAY! Thea (I will take a small victory in the fact that she could be one of the Golden Girls with that name) Anyways, Thea got mad at me for apparently jumping in front of someone else and then told me that I was rude. Wrong move Thea...you have no idea who you just got bossy* with! Thea and I precede to get in a heated argument which ended with Thea telling me "Good luck b/c you are going to need it," and me telling Thea what she can do with that busted ass outfit of her's. Bottom line, I went back the next day and talked to a manager and got a $50 credit to the bar. My brother and friends will get this credit. I hope they request old Thea as there waitress and order $52 worth of drinks...then tell her to good luck cause she is going to need it to find that extra $2. In the words of my favorite friends in Minneapolis "BOSSY!!"
4. I apologize for the lack of Idol updates. However, Bossy, Randy and myself have had some conflicting emotions surrounding the current season. Matty G. (my boo) got voted off and then saved by the judges--which made me happy and ole' Randy angry. Then the next week Lil' and Anoop got the boot. Again, I was happy, Randy was angry, and Bossy was MIA. Then the next week we lost Matt, and obviously, I was a lost soul. And then last week Danny was sent home. Overall, with Danny and Matt no longer on Idol I am just not as into it as I once was. HOWEVER, I will be watching the finale tomorrow and voting 85 times for Kris Allen. I DO NOT want that busted Adam Lambert to win.
5. My friend is about to be in a movie with Ashton Kutcher and Kathrine "I hate being Izzy Stevens" Heigl. And by "be in a movie with" I mean being an extra. However, that is some awesome news. She will be name dropping your favorite blogger like whoa. Hopefully, Ashton will want to meet me and realize that I am so funny that I need to be famous like yesterday. Badda Bing Badda Boom--I am on my way!
That is the brief update. Hopefully, I will be posting regularly from now on, and, more importantly, I will have a lot to talk about as I start comedy classes and my job in about two weeks. So keep this page bookmarked under your favorites cause it is about to get sassy in this joint!
*I used the term "bossy" a lot in this post, and I credit this to the fact that I just spent 3 days with the bossy tribe in Minneapolis. If you don't know them then you need to figure out how to do that.
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