It has been some time since my last post...to all 3 readers, I apologize. It has been a crazy couple of weeks filled with moving plans, part-time jobs, and attending the best concert ever. That's right, I saw the one the only Ms. Britney Spears in concert.
I found out that I was going to attend said concert when I was in the "Arts & Crafts" aisle of Wal-Mart. It was 10pm on a Friday night.
Before I continue I feel like I need to explain why I was in Wal-Mart on a Friday night. Don't worry, I have friends and (as we remember from prior posts) a solid mid-twenties drinking problem. However, there are times where I need to feel better about myself. There are times when I need to be reminded that I am not a complete f* up. And there is no better place then Walle World on a Friday night--where the blue light specials are lower back tats, scrunchies and skanks. Most of the clientele in there is cracked out so badly that they think the doughnut display is a magical wardrobe that will take them to Narniea so they can find Harry Potter and toke up with him and his ginger-headed friend. (I love run-on sentences!)
Ok back on track....I was in the Arts&Crafts aisle looking at stickers. Why I was buying stickers is for another post another day. I got so excited about seeing Brit that I spilled my diet coke on my pants. I tried to do the loud sigh adding, "OH my...diet coke on my pants." I threw my hands in the air dramatically in the hopes that I had proven to those around me that the large wet spot on my crotch was from the diet coke and not from a bathroom accident. **Remember we are in Wal-Mart on Friday...people peeing their pants would not be shocking.
I made my way to the self check-out aisle thanking the Wal-Mart Gods that my diet coke stain had gone unnoticed. Just as I was laying down the 15 packs of Dora the Explorer stickers I hear Rusty behind me (I am not sure of his name, but Rusty seems to be appropriate) laughing and whispering to his family.
Now, Rusty looked as though he was old enough to be frat brothers with Jesus and John McCain. He was sporting a NASCAR t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. He had 3 others with him, which I can only assume were his wife, Misty, and their redneck children. They were all sporting dirty old t-shirts with the sleeves cut off. I wondered if it was a rule in that house, "No sleeves on any shirts." Like when they all get ready to leave the house they have a check list:
1.Everyone smell as if they haven't showered in 2 weeks--Check
2. Misty's fake CVS brand pony tail hair piece--Check
3. No sleeves--Check OK ready to hit up Walle World and raise some hell.
So Rusty and his band of rednecks decide that the thought of me wetting my pants was the best thing that had happened to them since the trailer park started the weekly squirrel hunt. They were laughing, pointing and slapping there knees. (Yes, very stereotypical I know) It was here that I wanted to hop on my high horse and give them what for, but I kept it classy. I waited until I got my bag and was half way out the door before I shouted, "REDNECKS, you wont be laughing next week when I get to see the one and only Britney Spears!" I then bolted to my car, jumped in and locked the doors...
It wasn't until I was in my car that I realized that that was the worst comeback ever. I really thought that me shouting that I was going to the Britney Spears concert would give me some street cred in there--like who cares that it looks like I wet my pants b/c in one week I am going to be surrounded by every teenage girl and gay man in Georgia watching Britney lip sync all of her songs. I was in Wal-Mart for God's sake...now, if I had been going to a Reba concert I might have won that argument. It was then that I realized I had hit an all new low from which I have not recovered from.
***NOTE-Britney's concert was the JAM!!! She is back, and no K-Fed will ever take her down again!
***ANOTHER NOTE-We will have a guest blogger soon...I am told that he has some great ideas so keep checking in!
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